Deadly In Love

Short Story - 3/3

LILLIAN'S APARTMENT - Friday, August 12th 20XX. 10:04 pm

I sat there on the couch in my pajamas with my laptop on my lap. Next to me on the side table were my notes and a cup of Earl Grey tea. After a couple of months of recovery and therapy, I had gotten back to work, and even started working on my book. 

I was one of the most famous journalists in New York, the media was buzzing and I was the talk of the week. Everything that had happened and putting my life at risk for the story of "The Little Red One," and Harrison Miller, people around me have never been more impressed. Maybe a little frightened at the extent I went through. 

Needless to say, I don't back down and I will put my life in danger for the sake of it. Maybe that was my darkness. Not caring for my well-being. Either way, I was okay and grateful that I am. 

LILLIAN'S APARTMENT - Friday, August 12th 20XX. 10:18 pm

I typed away on my laptop, writing down the events that happened and the outcomes that inevitably changed lives. Jeffery dying, Griffin being convicted, Blair expecting and leaving town for good. It was a real look at what it takes to take down a dangerous criminal, all the good and bad. Our jobs aren't easy, nor can they be fair.

Ever since it all happened, I haven't dared to see him. I don't blame him for what he did. I still loved him deep down even though I knew he was going to choose her in the end. He saved my life yet at the expense of someone we all loved. Sometimes I wish it was me,  which is something my Therapist and I have been working on. It's what she likes to call survivor's guilt. I've been struggling with it, how unfair it is, how it should've been me, or maybe the simple fact that I don't have much value in my life. Which was another thing that I was working on. 

Finding value and love for my existence. 

I was suggested to find a hobby or passion, maybe even adopt. Whether an animal or a baby. I've definitely thought about it, I've always wanted a family of my own especially since I couldn't. Seeing Blair's baby was always going to be something I was going to do, but it couldn't hurt to have a baby of my own to take care of. 

LILLIAN'S APARTMENT - Friday, August 12th 20XX. 10:46 pm

After some time, I decided to finish my typing since I was quite tired. Maybe in another lifetime, I will have Griffin with me, a family, and a life worth living. I know what I did wrong and what I need to fix, day by day things will get better. I will just focus on my career, my book, and the ways I can bring happiness back into my life. 

I then got ready for bed and lay there for a moment. I took a deep breath, everything was going to be okay. Suddenly, my phone chimed. It was a message from the correctional center about my appointment to see Griffin, which I had made last week. Now that it was coming up, I was debating on canceling it again for the third time but I decided that I was going to go. 

The first change to make and many more to come. I was ready to start a brand new chapter in my life. Ready to get better and live.