21 questions (gxg) (girlxgirl)

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𝕿𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖆
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I had been in a talking stage with Adam for one month now and it had been the worst month of my life. He hit me and he was just constantly raining insults on me but I stayed because, I loved him? nah.  Contrary to the way he was always nice in public he was actually a monster behind closed doors. I got my lick back when he hit me every single time no matter the situation. Calling off whatever we had going on would've been so easy I just had an irrational fear of not being in a relationship.

trauma driven maybe?

Let's not speak about that.

After my last class of the day I saw Sam flirting with Adam beside my car. Sam was a notorious cliché bad girl so I didn't expect anything more from her, this wouldn't be the first time she tried shoving her tongue down the throat of someone I was dating. It was almost like a cycle since freshman year like she had a personal vendetta against me. I'd get a boyfriend and she'd end up getting with them in a ridiculous attempt to one up me somehow but I never really cared because to be honest I never felt anything extraordinary for any of the boys I had dated.

I made sure to keep a straight face as I walked past them and made my way to the drivers side of my car but before I could put the car in drive Adam hopped into the passenger seat and strapped himself in with the seat belt.

"I never agreed to give you a ride today." I said and placed my hands on the steering wheel without turning on the car.

"Well you are."

"get out of my car."

"Tatianna. drive." He annunciated in an attempt to look scary but I just chuckled.

"Adam get a car."

He raised his hand and slapped me across my face and it stung so I did the only rational thing anyone with a functioning brain and functioning hands would've done I punched him right in the eye.

"I don't have to put up with you Adam and you know that."

"You don't have to but your fear of being alone will keep you with me."

"At this point you're with me for the image and I'm with you because I don't want to be alone."

"You're nothing on your own."

"Funny you should say that. I run track, I play badminton, I've never lost a swimming competition, I'm the best student in our grade and I'm going to be valedictorian, I have genuine friends and a family that loves me and somehow you think I need you to validate myself? when you're literally my biggest problem."

Yet none of it was enough to make me want to stay.

Saying all those things out loud made me realize how stupid I had been to think that being in a relationship with Adam of all people was going to make me feel wanted and less alone.

"I'm done, leave my car."

"Tati you do this all the time. This is the third time we're taking a break in one month." I really was stupid wasn't I.

"Well this is the last time."

"Yeah right." He said and laughed before he unbuckled the seatbelt and got out of the car slamming my door hard behind him.

"Good riddance." I put the car in drive immediately and backed out of the parking lot before Adam decided that he wanted to come back and start a one on one boxing match like he usually did. But it was weird how he always started them but I always won. Someone please inform him that shame is free.

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Courtney was sitting on the couch with her girlfriend watching a movie when I walked through the front door.

"Hey Court."

"Hey Tati, you're back early. where's your douchebag of a boyfriend?"

"Would you ever not give me a hard time about seeing him? Plus he's not my boyfriend."

"Tomato tomato and to answer your question, nope never."

"Typical. Hey Tay."

"Hiiii T." Taylor said in a sing song tone not sparing me a glance as she was visibly engrossed in the movie.

Once I got into my room I stripped from my school clothes and put on a pair of shorts and a tank top then jumped right into bed for a much needed nap.

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The tall tattooed man that could easily pass for a club bouncer or a celebrity bodyguard stood up and zipped up his pants with a sickening smile on his face and I wanted nothing more than to slap it off. He grinned at me and left me lying on the floor, naked.

Telling anyone wasn't worth it because they wouldn't have believed me. I mean would you believe a 14 year old over a man? Yeah probably not. We live in a mens world, sadly.

I looked up at the ceiling as images of that unfortunate day played in my head. Everything I'd acquired for myself came about after the incident so I obviously didn't let it stop me but did I heal from it? Healing was far from what I did.

I pushed all my feelings towards that encounter down to the bottom of my mind. Some days it was harder to get up from bed than the others but I felt like I had something to prove.

Did it hurt? A lot. Did I like it? No. Did I tell anyone? Also no.

I didn't tell anyone after it happened obviously and not only because I feared that they wouldn't believe me. As you may or may not know I'm very much black meaning that I believe my immigrant parents had to work extra hard to give I and my siblings the life we have now no shade to anyone else.

The next question on your mind might be 'black and openly gay?' Yes actually. I had the most supportive parents in the world which was why I simply couldn't bring myself to sit my parents down and tell them how I was defiled by a man twice my age. It'd break them.

I was fine with being the only broken one but in private of course cause no one could know.

I didn't want pity and that's all I'd have gotten if I told my friends and my sister. It wasn't going to remove him permanent stain on my body. On my mind. On my soul.

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Upload date: Sunday 17th July 2022