21 questions (gxg) (girlxgirl)

①⑦

𝕿𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖆
?
My time at the hospital was such a blur but I couldn't get his face out of my mind. So many years later and it still affected me so much. I thought I had grown? Although I knew I never healed.

It was literally just one incident. It only happened once! Why did it affect me so much now? 3 years later.

Aiyanna was one of the best things that happened to me but could I keep talking to the child of my rapist? It wasn't her fault. I knew.

"JESSICA! COURTNEY!" I shouted calling my sisters into my room.

They had picked me up from the hospital since my parents were away on a short business trip and I was more than fine with that arrangement.

"I have to talk to you guys so sit." I patted my bed and they both sat making the bed sink immediately.

"I'll talk and you guys will listen. Okay?"
They both nodded already listening while I talked.

"3 years ago I was coming back from track practice but I walked instead of using my car which was a huge mistake. I was cornered by a group of men that wanted to gang rape me but their leader wanted me all to himself. He raped me and left me there but somehow I managed to walk to the nearest supermarket and clean myself up before I came home. I never told anyone until now and I know it's not an elaborate story but it is what happened and I feel like you guys should know especially now. I don't want pity because what's done is done."

After they picked me up from the hospital I told them that I had an anxiety attack. Minorly because I didn't want them to worry but mainly because I didn't want to have to tell them Aiya's dad was the one that raped me 3 years ago. They'd know about that later but just not today.

Courtney's eyes began to well up with tears while Jessica sat there frozen.

"You carried this alone for 3 years?" Courtney asked.

"Yeah. It's been pretty easy but now I don't see any reason as to why you shouldn't know." I leaned forward and pulled them both into a hug. One of the last hugs we'd ever have.

"There's no need to cry Court. I'm okay." I was far from okay.

"Did you at-least tell mum and dad?" Jessica asked finally breaking free from her trance.

I looked at her with a small smile plastered across my lips. Bringing myself to tell my parents this story in person would never ever be possible.

"I'll tell them my love don't worry about it. I love you guys! Always remember that."

"We love you too Tati." They both said in unison.

"Yeah enough of being mushy. Leave my room please."

"I knew it was too good to be true." Jess mumbled as she walked out making me laugh.

Court stood up to leave but rushed back and tackled me into a hug.

"I hope you don't do it." She whispered before finally letting go of me and leaving the room.

Do what?

I shut my door and returned to making the letters I was writing. One for my mum, one for my dad, Some for Court, Jessica and Steph then a truckload for Aiyanna.

My phone vibrated a few times while I was trying to write the letters so I finally looked at it to see they were all messages from Aiya. I hadn't really spoken to her much since I left the hospital. Not because I was mad at her or anything but I felt like detaching would make things easier for her in the long run

I scrolled to the most recent messages.

AIYA: you there?
AIYA: are you okay now?
AIYA: are we ever going to speak again?
AIYA: I miss you Tati.

I sighed deeply and picked up my phone to reply her. Might as well have this one last conversation, it wouldn't hurt anybody.

ME: Aiya you did nothing wrong. I miss you too.

AIYA: Well you haven't replied me in days so I figured something was wrong.

ME: I've just been thinking. Nothing major.

AIYA: Am I ever going to get to see you again?

ME: yes of course silly.

AIYA: can I come over tomorrow then? We could just talk. Only if you're okay with that but then again if you're not I totally understand and I'll never ask again.

ME: You can come over.

AIYA: Really?

ME: Yes. Now you should get some sleep.

AIYA: Can't wait to see you. Goodnight Princess.

ME: Goodnight Aiya.
read 21:21

I put my phone down on the bed not bothering to plug it in because I'd never need to use it again. The knife I had laid out earlier sat there on my bathroom counter starring back at me.

"This is going to hurt."

I picked up a handkerchief and folded it multiple times so it could work as a make shift gag ball so my screams wouldn't be heard outside my room.

With the knife already in hand I slashed it across my left wrist then transferred it to the left one quickly so I wouldn't lose so much blood that it was too weak to function.

I made another straight line on my other wrist and in a matter of second I felt dizzy from the loss of blood. If I just sat here with two slashed wrists I'd wake up tomorrow in a hospital then my parents would send me to therapy.

The most embarrassing thing about attempting in my opinion is failing which was why my tub was also filled all the way to the top with water.

Once I was submerged fully in the water I just lay there a smile on my face knowing after that day I'd never hurt again.

More importantly I would never hurt anyone again.

The bathroom door flung open but I was damn near dead so I couldn't look up to see who it was.

"I told you not to do it." The voice whispered but I couldn't say anything back. Everything was black and in that moment I seized to exist.

----

Upload date: Sunday 17th July 2022