21 questions (gxg) (girlxgirl)

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𝕬𝖎𝖞𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖆

I was finally going to get to see Tati after days. I didn't even know if she'd want to see me knowing that I was somehow even remotely related to the man that took advantage of her when she was just a child.

Before I could raise my hand up to knock at the door Courtney already opened it. Her eyes were red obviously from crying and she looked weak.

"Are you okay Court?" I asked still skeptically looking at her.

She sighed deeply and held up an envelope I didn't even realize she was holding. I furrowed my brows and took the envelope from her

Neatly written on the front in the prettiest writing was; 'To Aiya from Tati'.

"What's this? She doesn't want to see me? Is that why you're giving me this letter?"

"A-Aiya." She started but stopped because her voice broke. "I just want you to know it wasn't your fault." With that she stepped back into the house and slowly shut the door in my face.

I sat down on the steps in front of the door and quickly brought out the letter inside the envelope. I figured it was going to be her telling me she didn't want to see me anymore.

Matter of fact I wished that was the content of the letter contrary to what it actually was.

"Dear Aiya,
When I met you at first there was nothing special about you, you didn't stand out to me but something about you intrigued me. I could've easily asked you questions about yourself but I decided to ask them in form of a game because I felt like doing it that way wouldn't freak you out.-"

"I wouldn't have freaked out."

"Let me guess. You just said you wouldn't have freaked out out loud right? If you're reading this letter then it's either because I failed and I still showed it to you or I succeeded. It's not your fault so don't ever blame yourself. I liked you so much that just knowing that the man that took away my innocence at 14 was your father was too much to handle. I never let myself heal, I never spoke to anyone about it instead I just silently let the trauma overwhelm me. I thought that achieving so many things after the incident meant that I was strong and I wasn't fazed by everything that happened but it only took one look at his face to have me spiraling out of control. I don't want you to think that if you took me to the cinema that day things would have been different because they wouldn't have been. If the multiverse is real then I'm currently alive in another universe but not for long because escaping that one day doesn't mean escaping him my whole life and sooner or later I'll see him and it'll result in the same thing since I never healed from it. The few days we were together were some of the best days of my life and the sex? Definitely the best ;). Don't waste your tears on me please. Hopefully I'm in a better place away from all my demons. Look out for my sisters while I'm gone, they'll really need you.
I never actually got to finish my questions but I have one question and an answer for a question you never asked.
I loved you. In the past tense because I might no longer be there with you. But I loved everything about you. Even when I acted like I didn't care about you I was rooting for your happiness no matter where you found it. Was I in love with you? I don't know about that. If I stayed a little longer maybe I would have been able to decipher that but I know I loved you in every sense of it.
Did you ever have love for me?"

Droplets of water started to fill the page blurring the ink in some spots and only then did I realize I was crying. Everything suddenly felt so empty and void of importance.

Did I think she was selfish for leaving me behind? Far from it. She had to have been suffering to take such a step. I know she said not to blame myself multiple times but how could I not? He was my father, I took her on a date to my house when I could've taken her to the movies and I didn't get here in time until it was too late.

I promised her I'd keep her safe and I would've done everything in my power to do so but even I knew I couldn't protect her from her own mind. I had a million and one questions I needed to ask yet the person I needed to answer them wasn't here with me any longer.

We were supposed to graduate high school, go to college together then stay together forever. That was the plan I had mapped out in my head. She had heavily scarred me without even knowing it, even more than Sam did.

Sam Cheated multiple times and made me think there was no hope for me with relationships but Tatianna took a piece of my heart with her, a very huge piece.

She had 7 questions left and I had 14.
Ironically meaning we had 21 questions left combined.

As I stood up to walk away the door opened and Courtney stood in its way.

"Here." She said handing me a bag and I took it.

"She asked me to give that to you after I was sure you had read the letter. There's a little over $1000 dollars in there um it's less than a quarter of her savings. There's also a hoodie,a note and something else the note will explain." With that she shut the door again and went back into the house leaving no room for questioning.

Why would Tati leave me a part of her savings? Why would she leave me any money at all?

I reached into the bag and pulled out the note.
"I see you've gotten to the second letter meaning I clearly didn't survive. In that bag is my favorite hoodie and I want you to have it. Every time you think about me I want you to buy yourself a pink drink and I want to pay for it so that's what the money's for and the box in there is full of letters each dated for a whole year to come, took me a while. Everyday for the next year you'll have something to read from me. If the letters will be too much for you then you could just forget about them.
I love you."

What was stopping me from running home and taking my mums gun, placing it in my mouth and blowing myself to bits? Nothing.

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Upload date: Sunday 17th July 2022