Thoughts and experiences of life and mental health

Loneliness Part 7

Being surrounded by thousands of people daily does not imply we feel connected. We can be around a million people and still sense isolation.

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I tend to hide from people most of the time, a loner personality. Too many people around me cause me to feel uncomfortable, flares up my anxiety and cause me to feel invaded in some ways. 

When I stand in a room full of people, I would rather keep to myself than have random conversations regarding topics that don't interest me or subjects I know nothing about.

I am particularly terrible at small talk. Uncomfortable silence becomes most of my conversations. This is the reason why I avoid people, I avoid starting a conversation that I can't finish because as soon as it starts, the words run out. Anxiety flares up, and just like that, loneliness and shame start Creeping in.

I honestly believe there is a difference between feeling alone and being lonely.

- Feeling alone in a crowded room makes us uncomfortable, in that moment, we would rather be alone and busy with our doings, doing whatever makes us happy, than be part of an uncomfortable conversation.

- Being lonely is that sensation you obtain when you have no one to talk to when you are haunted by your mind, and at that moment, you just want to talk to someone who would listen.

I have been in multiple crowded rooms, and I have been in many empty ones. In my experience, I would rather be in an empty room, than a crowded room full of people where I don't feel I belong. I made the mistake before where I let people in, the wrong people because I felt lonely. 

I paid an expensive price for that mistake, and I tell you now, when we become lonely, we become vulnerable to the wrong people. We need to Find ourselves first before we find others.

The wrong people at the wrong time might just be the fuel to the fire that could consume you from within your core.