The Eighty Nine's leader. My Lover.

Chapter 33.

Muzi was discharged a day earlier, he didn't however threaten the doctors, I did which is why they even discharged me. I can't stay at the hospital, I'm not staying at the hospital. They have no reason to keep me, my baby was dead and I wasn't.

All I need right now is to be away from this place and everyone I know. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't want people to think about me and my baby, at all.

"As both a doctor and a psychiatrist, I am advising against you discharging yourself, Hazel, it's too soon for you to be...".

"Well, if I die or kill myself at least you'll tell everyone you advised me against it, doc".

Jace sat down on the hospital bed."Babe, please listen to him, he knows what he's talking about".

"Yeah, sure, of course he does, unless you have something to force me to stay here with, I'm leaving".

"Hazel, what happened to you, it was horrible, you need to take it easy, you need help and not just physically but mentally too".

"For what?".

"You might have PTSD, you might get overwhelmed by by your own feelings and trust me when that happens you'll wish you had listened".

"Then when that happens doctor Sosibo, I'll definitely wish I had listened, now can I leave please?".

I just need some peace and to be away from this place, it smells like death. The Eighty Nine's dropped us off at home, Siya pulled me to him giving me a long, not too tight hug, he then kissed my head, the others couldn't even look me in the eyes, they were all looking down, making me feel more shitty than I already was feeling. Lizzy didn't even come with us, she insisted on driving Muzi home.

Our home looks different, it feels different, the second I pushed the door I could see him, chasing me, throwing me against everything. I could see him kicking my stomach, kicking my baby. Jace held my shoulder making me jump and I started crying. I held my stomach and I just cried. He tried touching me again, I moved away from him.

"I can't stay here, Jace, I just... I can't".

"I'll organize...".

I looked up at him and shook my head."No, don't organize anything, I just want to be alone".

"Hazel, you had a heart attack, the doctor said...".

"The doctors have never lost a baby, they've never been shot through their pregnant stomachs, Jace, they don't know what it's like losing the only thing that ever made sense to you, they don't know what it's like raising someone in you then they are taken from you, they don't know".

Jace tried taking my hand, I moved away and walked away to our bedroom, I took a few clothes, I'm not planning on staying for long where I'm going. He just let me go, he knows he can't stop me, he won't stop me, if he tries I'll make him regret even knowing me. I regret knowing him. I should have ran for it when mom died, I wouldn't have known him then.

He took my bag and walked down the stairs with it, he opened the door for me, I took my bag and walked out. I know it's not his fault but right now I'm grieving and us being in the same space won't work. Siya took my bag and opened the car door for me, he offered to drive me to wherever I wanted to go and I had no idea where that would be, I don't have anyone, I only have them.

Jace watched the car drive off, he closed his eyes and turned around walking back in the house. I swallowed hard, I wasn't planning on staying from the moment I left the hospital but getting there actually persuaded me to leave for real.

"Let me take you to Jace's loft apartment, he never goes there, nobody goes there".

I looked up at Siya and he smiled, his smile is assuring and calming."I don't want to be here, Siya I just...".

"You don't know where you want to go yet right? So till then you'll be staying there".I tried talking he raised a finger up."No arguing, Hazel, uzoya khona ngenkani futhi".(You'll go there, end of discussion).

Siya just told me I will go there and he made sure to tell me he isn't asking. I just looked away, there's no arguing with him. It would have been nice growing up with him as my brother, he was gonna protect me from all the bad of this world. He smiled brushing the top of my head.

He pulled over in a parking lot, after a long drive where we talked nonstop about the weather and all the unimportant things. He woke me up and I looked out through the windshield and when he said apartment, I thought he meant a huge building with many apartments, it's literally a 5 storey building with 10 or more apartments.

He smiled getting off, I looked up at him opening the door for me, he gave me his hand still smiling, I sighed taking it and he pulled me out. I wish this stomach could go down today. He carried the bag for me taking my hand and putting it on his arm. He smiled again, annoying the shit out of me.

"Everything is okay, if you need something, anything, call me, anytime".

I walked him out to the car, I need the exercise anyway, he kissed the top of my head again and gave me a hug. That did make me slightly smile, he got in his car and drove off, I just stood there watching the car driving off, a new beginning, again. The pain hadn't stopped but it wasn't as bad.

Siya honked again, I shook my head and went back in, I closed my door locking it and I went to the bathroom, I sat on the tub and turned the water on. I need a bath, I took off my clothes. My stomach doesn't feel the same, it's weird, I keep expecting to feel her kick or move or something. She's really gone.

I held my stomach and I ended up crying again, I don't know what to do, all this is overwhelming, I got in the tub and pushed myself under the water and everything stopped, the thoughts, the noise, everything and it all went back to normal for a while, that's all I need, to feel normal even if for 10 seconds, they make a difference.