Jeff the Accountant Escapes the Wretched Burning Depths of Hades

Answers

"What did you do to Edward???" cried Wee John, Buttons, the Swede, Black Pete, Oluwande and Roach in unison.

Stede Bonnett was taken aback. "I guess I expected a different greeting from you all. After all, the last time we saw each other I was heading off to serve in his Majesty's Royal Navy."

"What did you do to Edward???"

"Guys, guys. What're you talking about? Why do you think I...did something...to Edward?

"He came back, captain" said Olu, with an air of mystery.

"Well that certainly sounded ominous."

"Captain, that man sang us a song that, speaking for myself, reached into the deepest depths of my fragile, weary soul." Buttons lamented.

"He, a..." Stede started.

"His words touched my very nerve endin's, my sad, so sad...memory center." Buttons continued.

"We should, a..."Stede attempted again.

"He spoke to the part of me that mere words normally aren't able to reach" came the finale to Buttons' dé​noue​ment.

Stede finally saw it. Though he was happy to see them, there wasn't a single smile on any of the faces of his crew.

"Maybe, before I tell you what's been happening with me, I should hear from you all what's been happening here" Stede entreated. "Where is 'here', by the way?"

"I say let's eat him!", the Swede surprised everyone with a yell. "I know I'm not the only one who's hungry. Roach and Buttons were attacking me and licking their lips just a minute ago."

"Now, now. Wait, guys. I have food - why don't you have food? Why are you alone here? Where's everyone else?"

But they stopped listening. They were swarming Stede's little boat, looking for the food.

"Bread, marmalade, smoked fish... What are these seeds, captain?"

"Well, those are..."

But no one was paying attention to him. They were stuffing their faces and searching for water.

"Yes, yes, there's water in the..." But they already found it.

"Slow down, slow down. You're going to get a stomachache." And the Gentleman Pirate, father figure to them that he still was, managed to wrestle some of the food and water from them.

Finally a calm settled on them.

"Tell us, captain. Tell us what you did. You and Edward left together, but he came back alone." Roach said.

"He signed away 10 years of his life to save you, according to Izzy Hands", came Wee John's accusation.

"His beard is gone - did you know his beard was gone?" asked the Swede.

"Well, yes, I..."

The Swede continued "He doesn't even want to be called Blackbeard any more, he said."

"He even said, because of the sheer talent of all of us, 'why were we even being pirates?' " said Black Pete.

"That's right, that's right" said Roach. "We were planning a talent show — you know, to cheer Ed up. Everyone was excited. Fang and Ivan, Jim and Olu. Frenchie was changing the strings on his lute."

"Jim? Jim is back?" Stede asked. "Why aren't they here? Why isn't Frenchie here? Why are you all here? By yourselves. Without food. Or water..."

"Blackbeard had us stranded, obviously" sneered Wee John. "Izzy Hands and Ivan left us here, telling us this was a better place for a talent show. I think the ship would've been fine, honestly" he added, absently.

"Alright, alright. Let me see if I have this right. Edward sang a song - a very sad song. Then you all decided to have a talent show."

"It was his idea!" they all said.

"But Izzy was against it, you could tell" said Black Pete.

"Izzy..." everyone grumbled under their breath.

Olu added "I swear that man has some deep seated masochistic tendencies. He's been limping since Blackbeard came back, and when Fang asked him about it, he just grinned from ear to ear and said something about Blackbeard being himself again."

"Himself again? What does that mean?" Stede asked.

"Captain, don't you think it's time you told us what happened? After the two of you were taken away together? To join His Majesty's Royal Navy?"