My Phobia Man

11. Sick?!

I had a dream.

After the incident, all I had was nightmares for the next two years. Then they left their places to endless darkness; no nightmares or dreams... until now.

Maybe it was because of Talay's remark about colours or because of the weird situation I was in, whatever the reason, I had a beautiful dream that night on the terrace.

I saw Somsak... After his death, for the first time I saw him in my dream. He was sitting on the swing in our old house's backyard and smiling at me in his red firefighter's uniform.

"You like black and white, really?" he asked me while swinging a bit, "you used to love blue, don't you remember? Everything you had was blue..."

I wanted to talk to him, but he raised a hand and shushed me.

"What happened, happened, so you should let it go. Love blue again and know that I am at peace."

Then he disappeared and I woke up.

Disoriented, I looked around and realised I was on the terrace, soft morning wind kissing my skin. Feeling emotionally overwhelmed, I continued to lie down and watched the orange beams of the sun rising behind the hill.

As the day grew hotter and hotter with the reign of the sun, I started to sweat in my hoodie and I took it as a sign to leave. I rose to my feet and almost had a heart attack, seeing Talay sleeping.

I had a dilemma whether to leave him there or wake him up. I recalled that he had a day off, so maybe it was better to let him wake up naturally. Nodding to myself, I grabbed the blanket and walked into my flat, but I left the terrace door open.

Why? I just did it, okay?

Although the sunbed was much more comfortable than the single cushion on the ground, I still felt numb because my big body didn't fit onto the mattress. As a shower always a good idea, leaving the blanket and the hoodie on the bed, I went to the bathroom.

After ten minutes, I left the bathroom, refreshed and put the coffee machine on. As I had nothing to do while waiting for the coffee, I moved reflexively towards the terrace door to check on Talay.

Well, it was a good idea to do that because he was still sleeping in a weirdly hunched position although the sunbeams were relentlessly looming over his figure.

"Talay, wake up," I urged him from my side of the fence, but he didn't react. Raising my voice a bit, I repeated "Talay, wake up, you will have sunburns."

This time he reacted. Very slowly, he turned his face towards me and said "Veera... I don't..."

He didn't need to finish his sentence as I could see how bad he looked. Despite the heat, his face was deadly pale and he couldn't even open his eyes.

"Sh*t!" I cursed, but didn't know what to do. Should I call the ambulance or the apartment owner for help?

It would take some time and Talay would be burned up until then.

With a sudden urge, I grabbed the fence to open it, but my hands started to shake vigorously. I know it was ridiculous as it was me who put the fence and there were no borders before that, but now there was! It was his own area and my phobia pinched me hard to make me remember that fact.

"He will die for f* sake!" Well, probably he wouldn't, but I needed a good push. I patted my cheeks with my shaky sweaty palms and dismantled a piece of the fence with no little difficulty.

"It is okay... it is okay..." I kept repeating as my wobbly feet took me to the half-conscious figure.

"Ve...eraa..." Talay called out to me again weakly as he felt my presence bending towards him.

"I am here... it is okay," I mumbled without thinking much and put my shaky hand on his forehead. Damn, he was indeed burning. "We should move you in," I said to him or to myself, I am not sure, but he nodded, indistinctive.

I inhaled and exhaled loudly and passed one of my arms under his small shoulders, then the other under his knees. With no difficulty, I lifted him off the sunbed and his head fell on my sturdy chest. From the contact, I could feel his fever, so I quickly made it inside my flat and laid my small burden on the bed.

"Cold..." he whimpered, but it wasn't wise to cover him up as he was already burning. I paced back and forward in panic, thinking what to do until my brain gracefully offered to help.

I rushed to the bathroom and filled a basin with cold water. I dropped a clean towel into it and came back while splashing a few drops of water here and there.

"I have to take off... his clothes," I said to myself, trying to suppress my own panicking as his eyes were closed. Carefully I pulled him into a sitting position and clumsily got rid of his oversized blue hoodie. Though I had already passed beyond my limit, taking his white shirt off was still out of question. Trying my best to ignore the hot breath on my neck, I wiped his back with the towel and laid him down again to work on his arms.

Gosh, he was really small and fragile-looking. If I pressed a bit harder with my huge hands, I could break his bones easily. Putting extra extra effort to be gentle and not to touch his bare skin more than necessary, I wiped his arms, neck and chest underneath his shirt.

Talay kept shivering and mumbling some random stuff, but after an hour, his fever dropped palpably. Still, I left a cold towel on his forehead before I ordered some porridge as I didn't cook.

While waiting for the porridge, I pulled a chair near the bed to look after Talay. Although he looked as if he was peacefully sleeping, he was still pale. I didn't know why but my cold heart ached for him.

Could it be because I was kind of responsible for his condition? Actually, it wasn't surprising that he got sick as he slept on the hard ground for two days and went to work all day, then he slept on the terrace and voila! His weak body of course couldn't take it anymore.

It was all because I couldn't let him in... Damn, even when I tried to help, I managed to screw...

At the right time, the door was knocked and I snapped out of my troublesome thoughts. With a sigh, I dragged my feet to the door and after being sure the delivery boy was gone, I got the food bag inside. I prepared a tray for Talay, not forgetting about the medicine for the cold and took it to the bed.

"Talay, wake up," I shook him gently by his shoulder and he half opened his eyes.

"Veera..." he looked at me drowsily, "where am I?"

"At my flat, you had a fever, so I brought you in," I explained to him as I helped him to a half sitting position.

"I see- WHAT?!" he exclaimed with a hoarse voice before coughing. I gave him the water glass and he took a big sip from it. When he was better, he said "how come you let me in when you have..."

"It is okay," I reassured him, "I even reduced your fever."

"Oh my," he gave me a tired yet lovely smile, "you are an angel."

I almost choked on air in the face of the cheesy remark. In order to cover my reaction, I got the tray and placed it on his lap, "eat it, then take the medicine."

"So sorry for causing trouble for you again," he said apologetically.

There was something so mesmerising about his puppy eyes that I found myself saying, "stay here tonight."