My Phobia Man

18. Kissed Him?!

"Veera, are you okay?" Talay repeated the question with worry lacing through his words. His guilt-written eyes were boring into my eyes and reaching up to my soul.

"I am okay... thanks to you," I mumbled an answer, my gaze never leaving his shiny eyes.

He slumped on his knees and put his hand over his heart, sighing in relief. "I am glad you are okay," he said, eyes closed, and when he opened them again, the guilt was replaced by curiosity, "thanks to me?"

He blinked cutely and my brain jumped out of my skull with its parachute. Without even noticing, I leaned forward and forward until my lips found his thin ones. As my eyes were closed, I couldn't see his expression, but I fuzzily noted that he didn't break the contact. Like that, I gave him my first kiss.

Don't let your imagination run wild, you creeps! I am not a type to force himself on someone randomly, let alone I was highly inexperienced on the issue. Therefore, my kiss was overly innocent and didn't go beyond the limit of being a peck. A short one as my brain stuck on my limbs and had to return to its place of duty.

"I... am so sorry," I murmured in a daze, looking at him intently to see his reaction. Would he be angry? Disappointed?

"It's... okay," Talay answered with glazed eyes, his fingers on his lips.

"I don't know why I..." I tried to explain myself as if there was some good reason why I kissed him. OMG! I KISSED HIM!

Talay chuckled, fakely if you ask me, and said "it is okay, it is just..."

"Just?" I asked with my heart in my mouth, thinking how the f*ck I ended up in such a weird situation.

"... didn't know you were also gay," Talay finished with blushed cheeks and I was too startle to talk.

Well, I -and also you- already knew that I wasn't attracted to girls, but I thought I wasn't attracted to the boys as well. I used to think myself as asexual, but I KISSED TALAY! Then was I gay or Talaysexual? Ah damn, I wasn't sure.

"Me neither, I guess" was my one hundred percent honest answer and nodding thoughtfully, Talay rose to his feet.

"Let's go, it is getting colder."

Not knowing what to say or do, I just kept my silence and followed Talay into the apartment with his thermos in my hand and a myriad of thoughts in my head.

When we reached in front of my flat, Talay turned around to face me. Playing with the thermos in his hand, he asked "so, shall I come for the night?"

Damn, why was it so awkward? I feigned a cough and politically said "if you don't mind."

"I will come then," he said with a slight smile, making me breathe again. If he tried to avoid me, then I would feel so guilty. Wait, he didn't avoid me, then did it mean that he also... you know... or was it just because of the nightmares? Aiisshhh!!!

"I will wait," I mumbled cheesily and ran into my flat with my embarrassed heart.

Luckily, Talay came before long; otherwise, I would drown in my complicated thoughts. Though he didn't seem to be uncomfortable, we didn't talk much. After I washed his thermos, we lay on the bed, side by side, but not touching. We mumbled a mere 'good night' and the silence engulfed us.

Although Talay fell asleep pretty soon, I couldn't. Tossing and turning, I tried to understand my jumbled feelings, yet I failed to do so. The only thing I was sure of was that I felt butterflies in my stomach when my lips were pressed on his. Was it love? I wasn't sure as I had never fallen in love, but I realised that kissing him didn't make me feel weird. On the contrary, it felt so nice. The other option was blaming the atmosphere. Maybe I just did it because I just felt like kissing him... but then it didn't explain the damn butterflies.

As I had no idea about my own feelings, I was glad that Talay didn't dwell on it. If he panicked, I would also panic and it wouldn't end well. On the other hand, I was also a bit resented as he acted as if it was a normal thing for me to kiss him. He indeed seemed in a daze for a second, but then he just murmured something about me being gay before discarding the topic altogether. Was it too normal for him to be kissed? Tssk, the thought didn't make me happy.

Being pretty occupied with my complicated thoughts, I didn't realise when I drifted off to sleep. I would like to say that I woke up late in the morning, feeling less confused, but as you already know, we had a midnight routine. As usual, Talay fell under the effect of the pernicious nightmare and I gathered his small figure in my embrace protectively.

It was devastating to see him like that, but I didn't know how to end his misery. All I could was hugging him and whispering useless yet soothing words to his ear. Well, thinking back, now I know I indeed liked him very much by that time. Otherwise, I wouldn't care about him that much or be so anxious yet happy to have him near me. I even had a childish pride that he needed me. Not anyone else but me...

"I... am sorryyyy... please forgivemeee..." Talay's imploration echoed in the air and he got motionless as usual. At least this time it took only five minutes.

Lying him back on the bed carefully, I caressed his tear-stained face and wished a normal life for him. He was an overly nice person, so he really deserved happiness.

.

.

It was ten thirty when I woke up again, so Talay was naturally gone. I refreshed and followed my morning routine, but when it was noon, I received a message from Talay.

[I can't bring dinner today, I will come late.] -T

If it was pre-kiss, I wouldn't be fazed by the message, but it was after-kiss, so my pessimistic mind already deduced that he was avoiding me.

Darkness loomed over me and I felt as if the earth shook beneath my feet. He is avoiding me... he doesn't like me... he was so nice not to say anything... The nasty thoughts echoed inside my brain and ruined my heart.

I left the phone on the table harshly as if it committed a grand sin. Feeling my throat too dry, I rose to my shaky feet to fetch a glass of cold water, but the beeping of my phone stopped me. My heart jolted and I grabbed the phone again, hoping it was Talay. Yes, it was!!

[I have to check the inventory in the storage :( April got sick TT.] -T

Miraculously, I could breathe again! What a relief it was to know he wasn't avoiding me! I almost kissed my previous sinner but now the savour phone, and realised what I felt for Talay was more than a rare attraction. I actually liked him romantically; otherwise, the fear I felt wasn't normal.

[Are you there?] -T

Yes yes, I was here, but was he? How would he react if he learnt that I really liked him? Would he run away or was it possible for him to fall for me as well? Well, as I wasn't the nicest guy around, it would be wise to keep my hopes or actions under control.

[Be careful with the door.] -V

I sent a safe-area message as he told me before that that door was jammed.

[I will, thank you^^] -T

Well, there was even a cute smiley, so everything was okay between us, right?

Right?