My Phobia Man

25. The Panic Attack

Eyes... suddenly there were too many eyes in the room, looming over me, suffocating me...

Whispers... the hatred, the accusation, the lies... too many voices in the silent room...

"Veera! Focus on me darling!"

A familiar voice and warm hands...

"Focus on me," he commanded and I managed to find his affectionate eyes among the cold ones.

"Good good, now breathe with me."

I tried, but the air wasn't going down my throat.

The eyes got closer sinisterly as if ready to claim me. I instinctively grabbed Talay's arm as he was my sole shelter, my savour.

"No no, don't look anywhere."

I heard from afar and my eyes were covered with something warm, then something landed on my lips and air was pushed inside.

"You can breathe now, in and out."

I tried again and it worked! I sucked deep breaths and my body relaxed gradually.

"You are doing great, keep breathing... slowly."

I did everything he told me and when I came around, I grabbed his hand and pulled it off my eyes. Apparently, I was lying on the floor, my head on Talay's lap.

"Are you okay?" Talay asked as his mother gave him a cup of water. I nodded and let him help me drink some water.

"Let's help him to the bed, he will get sick," she said, holding my arm. Talay did the same for my other arm and they helped me to my feet. Then he held my waist and almost dragged me to the bed.

Laying me down, he said "rest a bit, I will bring some cold towel."

Feeling glad, I said "thank you, you saved me," and closed my eyes.

.

.

"Are you awake?"

"Hmm-hmm," I murmured and Talay got the towel off my eyes.

"Do you have a headache?"

"No, it is okay," I said and realised the only light in the flat was coming from the bedside table, "what time is it?"

"Three am," he answered after checking his phone, making me shocked.

"I am sorry, you must have been worried," I said as I took a sitting position.

"I was indeed so worried," Talay shifted on the corner of the bed and grabbed my hand on the blanket, "what happened? What triggered it?"

"I will tell you later," I said softly as I had no energy to tell the other side of the same misery, "you should get some sleep, don't you have work tomorrow?"

"I... you just sleep," he said, averting his gaze, then looked up as if remembered something, "by the way, are you hungry? Mae cooked porridge for you before going."

I shook my head and patted next to me, "let's sleep."

"I will sit here, you just sleep," he repeated.

"It is three am, aren't you tired?" I asked with a frown.

"I..." he sighed desperately.

"What?" I pressed softly.

His shoulders stooped, "I don't want to disturb your rest. What if I have another nightmare and wake you up? You just had an attack and Imm-"

He couldn't finish as I pulled him on top of me. Then I rolled him on the empty side of the bed and spread the blanket on both of us.

"I really don't-"

"Shhh!" I put my finger on his lips, "nothing about you disturbs me, now sleep."

Talay didn't reply, but he snuggled up to me. Although I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep again, his vanilla scent calmed me and I drifted off to sleep.

.

.

"I am sorry..."

I opened my eyes, hearing Talay's mumbling.

"I am sorry... I will... I will tell him..."

I didn't understand what it was about, but at least he was calm.

"I will tell him... for sure...NOOO!" he exclaimed and woke up with a start.

"Hssh, it is okay," I pulled him into my arms immediately and he threw me an apologetic glance.

"That's why I didn't want to sleep," he mumbled in a low voice.

"It is okay," I kissed his hair with a heavy heart, "go back to sleep, I will hold you close."

I am so sorry, Somsak, but I know you would want me to protect the person you sacrificed your life for... right?

But how about our parents?

.

.

When I woke up, Talay was already gone. Trying not to think about unpleasant things early in the morning, I tidied around and left his flat to go to mine.

As I had no appetite, I prepared a big cup of coffee and sat on the sofa, thinking about the happenings. It was indeed a huge blow to learn Talay was the one whom my brother saved with his life, but this fact didn't make me resent Talay. He was just an innocent victim in the incident. Also, after listening to his mother's story, it was impossible to blame him even a bit. On the contrary, I blamed myself because one part of me wanted Talay to remember what happened during the rescue. Those were my brother's final moments in life, so I really wanted to know about it.

Sighing, my mind focused on another aspect.

Let's say, everything was cool with me, but how about Talay? Would he feel too stressed to know I was the brother of his hero? Would that make us closer or drift apart?

There was also a family factor. I couldn't guess how my parents would react. Would they resent Talay or get angry at me?

I didn't know... no matter how much I thought about the possible scenarios, there were no certain answers.

Well, I shouldn't have burned my brain cells that much as Talay was on his way to confront me...