My Phobia Man

17. Going Out

"Are you really sure it is okay?"

"Yes, as I said for the hundredth time," I snorted as we lay side by side on my bed in the semi-dark flat. He fidgeted, so I closed my eyes, hoping we would get the signal.

"Okay, then good night." Good, he got the signal.

"Good night," I replied and rolled into the sleep-land, knowing I had a few hours before Talay had the nightmare.

As I knew, Talay was active around three am, so my shift started. I pulled him into my embrace and rubbed his back reassuringly, my heart aching for his pitiful state. Maybe because we were in the middle of May, Talay's nightmares were getting more and more intense. Now, he needed more time to escape from the nightmare's clutches, so I had to work harder and longer.

"You are alive... I am sorry..." Talay murmured after a long while, looking at me in a daze, and fell unconscious again.

I kept staring at his sleeping face as if he could give me some explanation. It was the second time he mumbled something similar and I was really curious about where it came from. Whom was he talking to? What was it about? I knew by heart that it was related to his biggest accident, but it wasn't possible to dig about it as Talay didn't remember anything about it.

Indeed, I was too curious about the whole ordeal. Why? I don't know, okay? I just had an ominous feeling in my gut...

.

.

When I woke up, Talay was already gone. As usual, I repeated my routine while thinking whether he would come for dinner or not. I didn't want to admit it, but I liked his company, so I wanted him in my flat frequently.

After I was done with work-out, shower and breakfast, I talked with my agent and worked on my novel. As it was pretty hot that day, I didn't order food, but made use of things in the fridge.

When it was seven, the long-waited two knocks echoed inside my silent flat, and I rushed to the door with an unpreventable smile.

Opening the door, Talay's tired yet smiling face appeared. Wigwagging the brown paper bag slowly, he announced "Khao Klukh Krapi."

I gave him a thumbs up and moved aside so that he could enter. Seeing my gesture, his lips curved upside even more and he walked in. While he was washing his hands, I set the table, then we started to eat.

"... then she poured the entire jug on him!" Talay told me about the incident that happened in the diner, and although it was a pitiful one, I couldn't help but laugh with him due to his narration.

Somehow, he became my link to the outside world.

And somehow, it felt so good.

After dinner, Talay suddenly declared he would take me out for a coffee, making my hands around the empty containers tightened.

"We can have it here," I said, trying to control my voice, but he saw behind my mask although my back was facing him. I heard the sound of pushing as Talay stood up from the chair and the containers were snatched from my cold hands. From my peripheral vision, I saw him discarding them into the bin, then he stood in front of me. Without any hesitancy, he grabbed my big hands with his small hands and I felt warmth spreading through our contact.

"We won't go far, the backyard is okay, what do you think?"

I wanted to refuse so much, but there was something in his magnetic gaze that prevented me from objecting. Feeling my soul was being drawn to him, I lowered my gaze and focused on our still connected hands.

Such small hands... yet they gave so much warmth and support...

"I won't leave your side, we will just have a coffee and come back immediately," he promised and I believed him with all my heart.

"Okay," I gave in and he shook my hands up and down with excitement.

"I knew you would say yes, so I was even prepared for the occasion," he sang out and rushed to the door, "I will be back in a minute," he said and closed the door behind him.

Like he promised, he was back within a few minutes with two identical thermoses in his hands, making it impossible for me to back out.

"Let's go," Talay directed me out of my flat and we walked to the elevator. However, he froze on his spot there and threw me an apologetic glance, "I will take the stairs."

"Isn't it the day to be brave?" I asked him with a little unasuageable tease. Come on, he was forcing me to go out, but he was afraid to face his own phobia.

"I don't want to risk it," he said with a whisper, his eyes on the ground.

"Hmm?" I asked for clarification.

"It is the first time we will go out together, so..." he paused for a second and took a deep breath, "so, I don't want to risk it. What if I have an attack? Then it will ruin the night and you will never accept to go out with me again."

I was tongue-tied as I didn't expect that kind of thoughtful answer. This small guy definitely knew how to touch my heart.

As he was overly nice, I must have caught up. Therefore, I just grabbed one of the thermoses he was holding and walked towards the stairway. I heard a relieved chuckle behind me before Talay joined me on the stairs.

Luckily, although it was still not too late, the backyard was empty. As there was only one bench, we sat side by side and watched the stars.

"You are doing better than I expected," Talay broke the silence, his eyes still on the stars.

"I also go out, I just don't like being surrounded by people," I replied after taking a sip from the delicious coffee.

"Really?" Talay half turned towards me with shock, then he chuckled, shaking his head, "no wonder you are this calm."

I also chuckled, but hearing a foreign sound, my laugh faded.

"P'Talay, good evening," a short girl with a school uniform waiied Talay while the other girl eyed me from head to toe.

Talay waved his hand with a friendly smile, but his eyes were focused on me to see my reaction. When he saw I kept my cool, he returned back to the waiting girl, "isn't it late for you girls?"

The girls chuckled as if there was something funny. Then the second girl said, "we just came from the library, but got lucky," she said flirtatiously as she winked to me, "phi, can I get your number?"

I shook my head vigorously, not giving a damn about her feelings as my focus was on my breathing. It was shameful to admit, but I actually felt more uncomfortable around the opposite gender. Therefore, my phobia was used to being triggered more around girls/women.

"Come on, phi! Why so heartless?!" she cried out and attempted to get closer to me.

Then I lost it... I flinched visibly and my breathing hitched.

"N'Pear, move back," Talay's small figure suddenly appeared in between me and that Pear girl, and hearing his commanding tone, she took a few steps back and they walked to the apartment fast.

"Are you okay?" Talay asked with apparent concern after crouching in front of me and holding my cold hands.

I stared at him in awe because I was actually okay. Geez! I was okay! Thanks to him!