✔︎ SECRETS • sunghoon

12.ㅤIntentions

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irang sat excitedly at the bench at sunghoon's backyard as the latter followed with two mugs of hot chocolate in his hands.

tonight, they finally remembered to do their tradition that was supposedly done every night. they barely even do it once a week, which makes today even more special.

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"so," irang giggles. "who goes first?"

" it seems like you got a very huge secret, so you first." sunghoon smiles, truly cherishing this moment that he got to spend his time with irang.

being buried by modeling, school works, and other stuff sucked the most because he couldn't meet his favorite person that often. the same goes for irang, who is competitively competing for her huge volleyball competition.

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"well, for starters," irang took a sip of her hot chocolate and bit her lips in anticipation as she finally spoke.

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"i did an advanced entrance exam preparation test for seoul national university, and it said that my chance in getting in is so high!" irang squealed, but sunghoon remained silent.

it was not what irang expected, because the sunghoon she knew would now jump in excitement, cheering and congratulating her, and even squeezing her into a tight hug.

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"but... i thought we're going to yonsei university together?" so that's why he was silent.

jrang scratched the back of her head, before awkwardly sipping on her hot chocolate. "oh... about that, heeseung..."

"he's attending seoul national university. and.. he said that it would be better if we go to the same uni." irang trails off, eyes drifting away as guilt took her.

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she promised to go to the same school as sunghoon after being separated at highschool. she felt sorry for not sticking up to her words, but all that worry soon faded as she heard her bestfriend chuckling, though she failed to consider the bitterness hidden in it.

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"you said 'for starters', you got more secrets you wanna tell me?" sunghoon raised an eyebrow as he reluctantly smiles, trying to get the burden off of irang's shoulder. he knew irang isn't good in handling guilt.

"well, nothing out of the blue." irang lets out a small smile as to remove some tension.

"heeseung and i are planning to spend 2 weeks of summer vacation at the beach. his aunt owns a villa." she continued— and felt the heavy atmosphere again. for some reasons, she feels it everytime she brings heeseung up.

maybe it wasn't a good idea to include heeseung in her secrets.

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"oh— and you can join us if you want!" irang offered, while sunghoon only shook his head and smiled... in a way that irang wouldn't be able to tell the disappointment he felt.

this summer was supposedly the time we go for a pottery workshop together.

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"that's the only time you guys got before college gets the both of you get too preoccupied. spend it well with each other." sunghoon says before looking at irang with a hint of adoration— something that irang failed to notice.

"so... what about your secret?" irang looks up from eyelashes and took yet another sip, warming her hands by holding the cup and wrapping it around her dainty fingers.

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"well," sunghoon clicks his tongue before flattening his lips, only to lick it afterwards.

"the girl that i like... she probably doesn't like me back— wait, scratch that. she does not like me back." sunghoon laughed miserably, yet it was something only he knew the reason of.

"it's so shitty because lately i've realized my true feelings for her. and i don't know... i just, hate myself i guess?" sunghoon sighs though his lips were still curved up into a smile.

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on the other hand, irang tilts her head after being left confused by sunghoon's cyptic statements. "why would you hate yourself, hoon?"

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"because i wish i made a move, way before. i wish i realized and accepted my feelings for her a lot sooner."

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he said it with so much sadness and so much hope that maybe... irang would realize by then what he was talking about.

however, irang chuckled and pinched his cheek.

"don't worry hoon, i'm sure all will go well once you ask byunseo out. you are not too late, and i think you are just in the right time to realize that you should make a move on her."

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sunghoon sighed and looked up to the night sky, where the moon glimmers.

"you don't understand irange?..." he said, growing a little frustrated.

why can't she just understand? he asks himself.

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"i... can't understand what?" was she in denial so she won't have to deal with rejecting him? or was she just really clueless? sunghoon was starting to doubt irang.

sunghoon looked at irang with slightly furrowed eyebrows, eyes glimmering like the moon above hoping that it woumd be enough to tell his true intentions.

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but sadly, the girl only looked back at him, with confusion in her eyes.

"nevermind.." he says and looked away. "it's getting late, we should just sleep."

he stood up and irang followed. "yeah, i think we should."

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both irang and sunghoon went up to his room, where they both prepared to go to bed. and afterwards, they laid next to each other in full silence.

the room was dark, and only the light outside the window lit it up. sunghoon turned to irang, whose eyes were still open.

"irang.." his silent voice whispers to her ear. her eyes looked at his, and only then could she feel an unknown feeling that was too heavy.

she felt burdened to look at sunghoon's eyes, but why?

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"you do know that once we get into relationships... and other stuff... and— and once we get into college, we'll have shorter time for each other, right?"

"mhmm.." she hums, a little tired, but still urged to understand what sunghoon was saying.

"then can you promise me that by then, we'll...." sunghoon trails off. "we'll still make time to tell our secrets to each other, okay?"

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irang, just like sunghoon, also didn't know what the future has to offer. just like him, she is scared;

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that she won't be able to hold on to their promises.

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