Shadow In Your Mind [ARC 1- 5]

Chapter 145 - Keep thinking about stupid 'what ifs'

XG 145 - Keep thinking about stupid 'what ifs'

Chen Yibo locked eyes with her as Chen YiWen stepped out with Vihaan and closed the door, with a small gap as the door could not be closed anymore. Thinking that he does not mind that she stayed since she was not yelled at to get out, Wong Xue Guo stepped closer to his bed, all the while not breaking their eye contact.

She took things further by sitting down on his bed, only two-inch away from him.

When he made no attempt to converse with her, she started it with a light-hearted tone. "I just woke up. It's kind of hard to believe that I would sleep for two days straight. I had thought you will wait until I woke up so that I could accompany you to activate your gene."

"... I don't know when you will wake up."

Relieved that he was willing to communicate with her, she maintained her light-hearted tone to share how she felt from her two-day rest. He barely gave any response, and even if he did, it was just perfunctory on his part. Those type of response was better than having him chase her out of his room.

Knowing that it was inevitable, she finally steered their conversation close to the main topic when he seemed a tiny bit better. "Nana told me you seem to be in a hurry to activate your genes completely. Is there something that worries you?"

She was quite nervous about how he would respond and was almost clueless about how he would react in his current mood. Would he lash out at her for being a busybody?

"... There's no time."

She was bloody glad he replied well and did not mind discussing it with her. "Time? Lengthening the session to a few days won't change anything. Look at me. I procrastinated and just finished yesterday... Sorry, two days ago. I'm just glad that Chin Chun is not angry at me for delaying his plans."

"He won't dare."

Wong Xue Guo grinned when she heard a vague protectiveness in his tone. "I think he's only this nice to me because I'm the biological daughter of his Godparents. Or else, he would have told me off already."

Her grin slipped away when he did not respond. She had noticed he always replied to every one of her words and gestures, just like an attentive gentleman. Or else, she would not easily have let her heart slip away.

"Yibo, why don't you consider a booster shot if you are in a hurry?"

Chen Yibo's expression changed. "You think I'm mentally weak, right? That's right. I'm different from you, able to withstand Woojin's ability until you completely awaken your Alpha gene."

"Why are you comparing yourself with a heartless person?"

"... What?" Chen Yibo was taken aback after understanding that it was herself that she had called heartless.

"Don't you know a kind person is more easily affected by their emotions? Only nice people overthink things that do not need their concern," Wong Xue Guo stated as a matter of fact. Even her tone was asking why he did not know about it.

"I'm not nice," Chen Yibo quickly denied.

Wong Xue Guo sighed. "You never gave up in trying to get your father's attention, while I have long given it up."

"You don't."

She shrugged, not caring that her little lie was easily seen through. "Okay, maybe to everyone, I have given up. Because I'm someone that doesn't give things a damn if they don't care about me. I also live better that way, free of worries and do whatever I want for myself. But you are the opposite. You work so darn hard just to get your father's praise. You placed your happiness in your father's hands, and tie yourself to him rather than being your own person."

"... Are you here to mock me? You must be glad that I finally got it through my mind, that whatever I do, it's useless."

All this time, Wong Xue Guo indeed wanted him to wake up, so to speak, from his delusions and look at reality. She should be happy when it happened, but the truth makes her uncomfortable as if she had done the wrong thing.

She did not dislike his generosity and earnestness.

She did not dislike his friendly smile that often times brightened her mood.

She did not dislike his ambitions, because it was better than seeing his defeated self, lost in the maze not knowing the way out.

The only thing she was dissatisfied with was that this fool needed to learn to only act this way to his important people!

"Doctors always wipe alcohol or disinfection liquid onto your wounds before applying medicine on them. Pain is always there to accompany you while you heal so that you will remember not to get injured again."

Her words that far contrasted with his expectation had Chen Yibo's hostility go away like a blown-out candle. The unexpectedness had his tone come out weak as he refuted, "How could that be the same."

"But your heart is wounded, right? To heal it, you have to dig out the weapon that hurt your heart and then clean the wound to prevent infection before speeding the healing with medicine."

Chen Yibo gave her a helpless look at her skewed proverb. It was a good thing for her that he acted this way because it means she has a chance to get him out of his slump.

"Just like you told me, activating my genes through Woojin's ability is not a way to face my fear. It's also not a contest about who has better resistance to their fear. So why don't you listen to your own advice?"

The tension on his face and the tightly clenched fists were a sign of him fighting against himself. To choose the easier way or the hard way?

Staring at her in an irritable manner, he asked in a rather impolite tone, "Why would you go out of the way to talk to me? Didn't you hate me for not performing to your expectation?"

This time, it was her that was fighting against her own fear. This expression of his was one of the faces he used to face her in her fears. "I used to. But now I don't."

"Why not?"

"Because I've come to understand your dedication to your goal. I've realized I do not have the right to dislike you for that. Both of us are different people, with different views and should never be compared."

He was definitely still in a bad mood, but her words worked as a soothing balm to his scalded heart. The soft look as he gazed at her raised her hope and expectation to new heights. Rationality told her to restrain herself and not to do anything she would regret later. But her current emotion overtakes her rationality, boosting her bravery to face her fear.

She had seen many versions of Chen Yibo in her fears, who hated her or treated her indifferently. The worse version was him finally leaving her side forever. That fear would always be there unless she takes a step forward. It was better to be plagued by true facts instead of imaginary fear.

At least, she would not keep thinking about stupid 'what ifs'.

"I love you."