At First Sight

9. Disappointment

Things have changed in the past six months since Lily and Nate helped me go through my parents' house, that is no longer mine. Which is still strange but also a relief that I do not have to walk into that place again. Even if I had great memories I just couldn't without them there with me. They help me whenever they can, but I don't want to be a burden on them, especially now that Nate has been dating a different girl like every month. That boy can never keep a girl for more than a month.

It is the start of summer before our Junior year and Nate's senior year. I'm going to hate when he is not here any longer. Today is the day I go for my appointment to see if anything can be done about my eyesight. I have never been so nervous in my life.

"You ready to do this, babes?"

"Of course Cass is, Lil. This is going to be good news. I can feel it." I roll my eyes and snort. I cover my mouth. I cannot believe that just happened. Kill me now of my mortification. But of course, my friends being my friends just laugh. "Don't you have a girlfriend to be with?" I know I may sound bitter because maybe I am. "What was her name again, I can't keep up... Jessica?"

"I thought it was Jennifer."

"Or maybe it's Janice."

"Okay, ha-ha you two are hilarious. it was Julie but we broke up."

All kidding died down because this one actually lasted a little over a month this time. Even though my crush is going away little by little, I feel bad he cannot find someone that he truly likes that much to stay in a longer relationship.

"I'm sorry Nate." he grabs my hand and puts it on his face. "I'm not, she was jealous of our friendship and told me to choose." Now that just makes me feel that much worse. "Don't Cass. Do not for one minute think it is your fault." He cups my face and I hold in the tears that threaten to fall.

"You are more important than someone's jealousy and I do not take kindly to ultimatums. My friendship with you two lovely ladies is more important." I don't know what came over me, but I threw my arms around him, and he hugged me tightly. "Thank you, Nate." I truly mean it because him and Lily have kept me going and getting through my darkest moments. "No need to thank me Cass, now let's get you to that appointment. Your uncle will meet us there."

I nod my head as they help me to Lily's car. Nate sits in the back with me and hold's my hand, I lean my head on his shoulder. "I'm scared Nate." I whisper, I know Lily can hear me, but she just turns on some music and I can feel her eyes on me. I wonder what that is all about. "No matter what the outcome is we will always be here for you." He kisses my head and I close my eyes. "But I don't want you two to stop living your lives because of me."

"You are important part of our lives Cass."

"That's true now, but you will be gone soon and you'll both meet someone, and I will be left by myself." I shake my head because I shouldn't have said that. "Sorry, that is very selfish of me." I feel him lift my chin and put my hands on his face. "You are the least selfish person I know. I've seen you at school helping others even when they have talked about you behind your back. You do not retaliate. You just prove every one wrong every damn day. I admire the hell out of you, people should be more like you."

Damn him! Every time I think I am getting over my crush he has to do or say something like this. How the hell am I supposed to stop these feelings from intensifying?

"We're here you two. Also, Nate is right. No matter what we would never leave you behind."

"Wait! Is Lily Bauers admitting I was right. Fuck! the world is coming to an end." Nate laughs out because Lily never admits he's right, even when he is.

"Shut it knucklehead"

I can't help but laugh, God I hope I never lose these two. They keep bickering up until right before we get into the Doctor's office where my uncle greets us.

"Cass, are you ready dear?"

"As ready as I will ever be."

Both my friends hug and wish me good luck as we go to take the scan of my eyes. I feel my hands shake as my uncle grabs my hand and squeezes it. "I'll be in the same room with you the whole time." We get to the room and the doctor explains that they will take multiple scans of my eyes. At one point I swear I saw a flash of light, but my mind might be playing tricks on me.

"Give us about thirty minutes to look these over and we will go over the results."

"Thank you, Dr. Porter." My uncles says as he grabs my hand and guides me out of the room. The moment we are back with my friend's they bombard me with questions.

"I don't know guys... I swear I saw light, but it could have been all in my head."

"I told you, I could feel it, that it would be good news." Nate picks me up and swings me around. "Put me down you big oaf." but I can't help but laugh at his excitement, at all of their excitement. Time flew by and we were called into Dr. Porter's office.

"I hate to say this but there is no change into the damage of your retinas. At this point in time for restoration of sight in your case is experimental and not approved by the FDA."

"But Cassie mentioned seeing light." Nate speaks up as I feel my friend's hands in mine. "Sometimes the mind can play tricks on us. If there is something we want desperately it can conjure up what we want. But as you see in these charts, this is Cassie with her last exam before she lost her sight. This one here is after the accident, this part here is the part the tissue of the retina as you can see is damaged. Some cases in time it can heal on its own and others not so much."

"Thank you, now if you will excuse me." I pull out my cane and leave through the door we came from. Lily and Nate are next to me in an instant. "It's okay Cass." Lil tries to sooth me, but I can hear how worried she is in her voice.

"It's not okay!" I yell. "It's never going to be okay! This is who I am, and I need to get used to it. I don't ever want to feel this type of disappointment again. It was actually silly of me to think that by some miracle I would get my sight back. Well, it looks like the fucking joke is on me!"

"Cass." this time Nate tries to calm me down and usually they both can but at this moment they can't.

"Just leave me alone, both of you."

I try to get out of there but of course because I can't see I do not know my way around the building. When I almost fall, I actually welcome the different kind of pain. But it never comes, because those strong arms that are always there to hold me when I need it are there for me now. Then I feel another set of arms around me, and my friends engulf me with their love and support.

With disappointment there can only be hope that comes afterwards. I sure hope that something better comes along, because I do not know how much more I can take.