At First Sight

18. Kiss

I'm trying to put on a brave face. My mind does not seem to slow down, and I start worrying about everything. I start chewing on my bottom lip a nervous habit I have. When I feel Nate put his thumb to my bottom lip and pull it down, I feel shivers go throughout my body. Nate has never touched my lips like this before.

"Okay, spill it." I know he will not let this go until I tell him, so I have no choice I have to tell him my fears.

It's the first night in the hospital after the surgery and we got settled down on my bed. Nate was just about to turn the TV on so we can watch a movie or something. But I have been extra quiet after our last conversation. "I'm scared Nate." I turn to my side and look at him, it frustrates me that I cannot see him clearly. I can feel him copy my actions and I just stare at him praying I can see all his features for a moment. "Why?" Nate asks just above a whisper as he mindlessly move the strands from my face. "I have so many things to learn again. How am I going to do all of this?" He pulls me into his arms, and I settle into him like I have done a hundred times before.

"You have the best support system doll." I shake my head and move away from him, but unfortunately, I scoot a little too much. Nate's great reflexes grab hold of my waist to make sure I don't fall off the bed...again. "I don't expect you guys to put your lives on hold for me any longer Nate." I can't let them keep sacrificing their own lives to be with me all the time. They should be doing their own thing too.

"They are not on hold Cass." I sit myself up and I miss his warmth. This is so damn bad. "Yes, they are! I'm not only screwing up your lives, but I'm afraid I'll screw up mine too." He cups my face and is it bad that I like this feeling too much? No matter what I always find myself loving his affection towards me. "We'll always be here for you."

"I know, but both of you will find someone which will be great." I frown at that, because I already found the perfect one for me, but I can't have him. "I'm not getting in the way of you both being happy anymore." Even though you make happy Nate. I really need to stop thinking these thoughts. "You are an important part of my life Cass. If anyone cannot accept that well...they can go fuck themselves." I feel like I am on the verge of tears. I realize that maybe this may be more than a crush on him, and it has to freaking stop. I will not destroy what we have.

"You have always been too good to me. I don't know what I would do without you." I yawn as I feel so sleepy all of the sudden. "You deserve all the happiness in the world Nate, and I'm not standing in the way of that." I close my eyes. I wonder why I am so tired all of the sudden.

"Lay down Cass and get some rest." I grab his wrist when I feel him getting up. "Will you lay down with me?" I don't know why I asked that, but I am feeling all different emotions right now. "Sure, thing doll." He kisses my forehead and lays next to me. "I'm afraid that if I wake up this is all going to be a dream, and I will be in darkness again." Nate wipes a tear that has fallen from my eye. "It's not a dream Cass, this is real." I hum as I snuggle in closer to him. I lean in to give him a kiss on the cheek, but I miss and my lips land on his.

I stay frozen, my eyes open wide, and I can feel him stiffen besides me and that snaps me back to reality.

"I'm so sorry. Damn blurry vision." I feel like I can cry again because this is going to either mess everything up or act like it didn't happen. Even though my lips are still feeling so tingly. "Cass." He says above a whisper. This is it everything is going to be so different, and I screwed it all up. "I'm so sorry Nate." I lower my head, but he lifts my chin up with his finger. "Don't be Cass." He's not upset. He moves closer to me, and my heart starts beating faster. Then his lips touch mine again. It is the sweetest kiss, our mouths opening just a little but there was no tongue involved but it was still so tender and loving. Little did he know that this was my first real kiss, and I am glad it was with someone like him. He pulls back and rest his forehead to mine as we both sigh.