14. Wishful Thinking

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She twirls me around and I can't help but laugh as we are dancing around in my living room.

"I knew you didn't lose your groove girl."

Lily twirls me around again and I can't help the smile on my face. It feels good to feel free for once. After three times of trying to get my sight back I gave up hope. I did not want to go through with it again. Lily and Nate argued and tried to convince me, but I made up my mind.

"Happy twenty-one Cass. You are finally legal to drink." I laugh as I shake my body to the music.

"Why do I always miss the good stuff?" I startle because I didn't even hear him come in, and of course my clumsy self almost falls down on my butt. That is until I feel his strong arms around me. "I got you Cass." I feel my cheeks heat up and try to cover my face. This stupid crush just got stronger over the last year, and I wish it would just go away.

"I'm going to uh go pick up the food now." I turn my head towards Lil's voice and glare at her. I wish I can throw something at her right now. "Be back soon." I hear her pat Nate's cheek. "You missed a damn good show."

What the hell Lil? I swear my cheeks are probably as bright as her hair. "Liar" Nate whispers and Lil just laughs as I hear the door shut behind her. He grabs my hand and guides me to the couch, like I don't know my own way around my apartment by now.

***Flashback***

"If you need anything sweetheart just let me know." I try not to roll my eyes at my uncle's protectiveness. It's my first day at my new apartment that I got right after graduation and the fluke of a surgery.

"Don't worry Uncle Jeff, Lily and Nate will be by soon to break in the place with me." He laughs and pulls me into a hug. "I'm glad you got them sweetheart. I worry less when they are around." I scoff as he pulls out of the hug. "I can take care of myself uncle." He kisses the top of my head, and I am thankful for having him around, but will not admit it half the time or he would smother me more. " I know you can." With that he leaves, and I flop down on my couch and sigh in contentment.

My stomach grumbles and I try to make my way to the kitchen and bash my knee into the coffee table. I shake it off and feel my way to the kitchen. When I grab the stuff, I want for a sandwich I start cutting the veggies. That is until I cut my finger. "Damn it!" I throw the knife in the sink, and I hear a knock on my door. " Come in."

"Cass, you should always find out who it is."

"Kind of trying not to bleed to death in here Nate." Although I was joking, I'm not sure how bad the cut is. "Shit Cass!" I feel Nate next to me and taking care of my finger. " I can do it Nate." I try to move my hand away, but he refuses to let go. "Let me help. It doesn't look too deep." He picks me up and puts me on the counter. "Stay here." Not like I can really go anywhere.

I feel the tears fall when I hear Nate come back. "Cass" I hear the concern in his voice and lose it. "I can't do this Nate. How the hell am I going to be able to do this if I can't cut some fucking vegetables?" I cover my mouth with my good hand. I feel him bandage my finger up and kisses my forehead. "You are the strongest person I know Cass. If anyone can do this, you can." I breakdown in his arms even more. Why does he always see me at my most vulnerable state?

*** End of Flashback***

"Earth to Cass!" I feel him wave his hand in my face and I slap it away. "Huh?" I hear his chuckle as he rubs my hand. "I take it you did not hear what I said." I shake my head and he laughs yet again. "Are you ready for tomorrow?" The fear of what tomorrow is, it makes my whole body shake and he pulls me closer to him. "I can't do it Nate. I can't do it again." He lifts me up and cradles me in his arms like I'm a damn baby. Sometimes I like it but other times I feel so weak.

"If you do not want to do it, we can always call and cancel. It is up to you Cass." I shake my head as he wipes the tears from my eyes. I can't do that to him, he took his time doing the research. He found a doctor that has had success at the procedure, so I have to give it a shot. I mean the research and new methods are discovered every day. It has been two and half years since I tried.

"This is it Nate. If it doesn't work this time, I can't go through this again." He caresses my cheek with the back of his hand. "I feel it in my soul that it will work this time Cass. I can't explain it, but I just know it will." I hug him tight, and I feel his breath against my neck, I suppress a shiver as best as I can.

"Thank you."

"For what?" His forehead is pressed against mine and I swear if he moved just an inch our lips would touch. Stop it Cass! That is not ever going to happen! "For always being there for me." He cups my cheeks and I wish I could see what he looks like, so I trace his face and I am confused by the expression. I can't explain it, it's not one I'm used to. "I'm always going to be here for you Cass." I can feel the smile on his face, and I can't help mirroring his expression.

I swear I feel like we are being pushed closer together I can feel his lips just hovering over mine. Please kiss me. No, it can't happen, it will ruin everything, but by God, I want it so bad that I lick my lips. I let go of his face, but he grabs my hand and puts it back. "I am going to miss this feeling, when you get your sight back Cass." I am too but I cannot form words right now. I just want to run my fingers over his lips just to know what it feels like.

"Me too." I whisper.

"Am I interrupting something." How long has Lily been there.

"Shit!" I jump and end up bumping my head against Nate. I love that girl, but I swear I could kill her right now. Who knows what would have happened if she didn't interrupt.

"You always knock me off my feet Cass." Nate laughs and I let out a nervous laugh for a moment. until I shove his shoulder. "Kinda hard to do that when you are already sitting down." He mumbles something and I can feel Lily's eyes on me, so I didn't hear what he said. I wish I could hide my face behind my hair right now, but that would be a big giveaway.

Lily sits down and hands me my food she leans in and whispers in my ear. "Oh, we have a lot to talk about girl." I try not to blush and start eating so I do not put my foot in mouth right now by saying something awkward. The rest of the night was full of laughs, and I am grateful for them to take my mind off what tomorrow might hold.

I can't help but wonder though would Nate have really kissed me, if Lily didn't come in when she did. I shake the thought out of my head. That's just wishful thinking.


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