At First Sight

36. Confession

N A T E

For the past week I have been a shitty best friend and a shitty person all around. I have not only walked out on Cass when I knew she needed me most, but Lily as well. I have over a hundred phone calls from Lil threatening to hand me my balls on a platter if I do not answer my damn phone, but I just couldn't. I needed time to think about her, about us...about everything.

Us...that is something that I have been dreaming about for so long. Every time I close my eyes, I see the most devastating look on Cassie's face after she kissed me. I wish I could take back what I did and just kiss her back, God I wish I could turn back time...but I can't. So, for the past week whenever that devastation on her face crosses my mind, I pick up a bottle to try and drown my sorrows and agony.

For the past week I have been more drunk than I have been sober. Before anyone says shit to me, you deal with hurting the one person that means the most to you in the world. I am the shittiest person I know at the moment and that says something. I stumble my way into Omally's and Kyle spots me right away shaking his head as he is already pouring my drink. If you are that disappointed in someone do not encourage them with their bad habit.

"When are you going to sober up man?"

I shake my head because I do want to think about it anymore. I want to forget the look in her eyes that is killing me slowly. "You could always turn me away." I slur out, already shit faced as I almost miss the barstool as I sit down. "Like hell am I going to let someone as deal with your fucked up self. You'll end up in jail or possibly dead." I scoff and wave him off as I down the shot of whiskey in front of me.

"Are you finally going to tell me what is going on?"

Kyle and I have become close acquaintances, I could say almost friends. "I can't make it stop." I grab my head and am ready to pull my hair out when I feel his hands on mine pulling them away from my head.

"Henry take over, I'll be back." He rounds the bar and grabs my arm tugging me towards a hallway and I almost stumble, but his grip tightens on my arm. He swings a door open and pushes me inside. I look around and see a spacious office with a mahogany desk, bookshelf covering one wall and a spacious leather couch I plop down on.

"So, what's going on Nate from what I know you do not seem like a guy and not some drunk looking for his next drink. But I gotta say all week long that's all you have been doing."

"What are you my damn psychiatrist?"

"I could be." He wiggles his eyebrows at me, I guess in attempt to lighten the mood, but it doesn't. Nothing will be the same without her.

"Fuck off."

I go to stand up, but I fall back down on the couch rubbing my hands over my face.

"Cassandra." Her full name feels foreign on my lips but it's a beautiful name for a beautiful woman.

"It always starts with a woman, or man...hell even both. I've heard it all." I snicker at the comment. He pours us both a drink and then hands over the glass to me which I down in one gulp which I shouldn't have because that is the strongest drink I've ever had. "My own special brand. He leans back against his desk and looks at me as he takes a drink. So, tell me about this girl."

"Woman, and she's everything." He looks intrigued and I have no idea why I spill my guts to him, but I do. I tell him everything from the time I met her up until now. I do not know how much I drank but I feel like an idiot. I go to get up, but he stops me then tells me who to call, there is only one person I want, and I can't have because I broke her, I broke me.