At First Sight

33. First Time Ever

N A T E

My heart stopped beating the moment her lips touched mine. I have wanted to kiss her for the past five years; hell, I think I fell in love with her when we first met. She was just so different from anyone I knew, and it had nothing to do with her being blind. I remember when she first traced my face with her fingers it was like electric shocks all over me. Which is the most asinine thought ever because you only see that shit in movies or books. But it is true, and we just clicked right away.

I fucked up when I pulled away because I could tell she was confused. Trust me when I say that I just wanted to press my lips to hers and never stop kissing her. "I am such an idiot." I slump down against the door to her room, and it breaks my heart to hear her sob like that. My hands are itching to go back in there and just hold her. I pull out my phone and text Lil to get her ass here now. I get up and walk away from her room and pace the waiting room. Twenty minutes later Lil's hair is disheveled, and I bet she has been pulling at it.

"What the hell happened?"

"She thinks we are together."

She smacks me on the back of the head and gives me a deadpan look. "You pulled me out of an important meeting for that. I mean what is so wrong about that? You have been what in love with her for like forever."

"That's beside the point." Frustrated I throw my hands in the air. She smacks me in chest and laughs. "So, you admit it then...finally." She lets out an exasperated sigh, going for the theatrics a little too heavy there.

Why am I friends with her again?

"Lil" Getting more agitated by the moment. "There is something wrong with her." It scares the ever-living shit out of me. I would do anything for Cass, and although I would love to feel her lips again, I am not going to confuse her even more.

"I'm going to see her." She storms past me and straight to her room the door opens up, but I freeze outside the door. She doesn't want me here.

"Cass, what's going on?" I can imagine her pulling Cass into a hug as I close my eyes.

"Please tell me this is some sick joke." She chokes on a sob and my heart breaks a little more. "Tell me that Nate and I are together." My eyes water up, and I swear I only cry when it comes to this woman.

"Oh, babes, I'm sorry."

"It felt so damn real. We built a life together and then that bitch Victoria shot him."

"Is everything okay?" I nearly jump out of my skin when one of Cass's doctors walks up next to me. I shake my head. "There is something wrong with her. She thinks she had a different life then what it is."

"Sometimes going through something traumatic can cause hallucinations, or they try to scape reality and conjure up a different life. She went into cardiac arrest." Plese do not remind me. "Let's go see how the patient is doing." I shake my head and back away from the door.

"I'm the last person she wants to see."

"You are what she needs. You never once left her side, whether she knows it or not. She needs you." I take a deep breath and walk in and all talking stops and we just stare at each other. Her lips tremble and whatever is happening it can wait as I go to her and grab her hand and bring it to my lips.

"We'll figure this out, okay doll." She gives me a sad smile and another piece of my heart breaks. Pretty soon the damn thing is going to be shattered into tiny shards killing me slowly. How can I make this better for her? She has been through so damn much.

"Miss Logan."

Our heads snap up and I completely forgot anyone else was in the room besides us. "Dr. Derek Fox." She says and he gives her a questioning look as do I and Lil.

"Do we know each other?"

I would like to know the answer to that as well. I mean, when the hell did she met him?

"Let's just get through this quickly." She sighs. "My best friend here called you Dr. Mc Wet My Pants."

"Cass! I did not!" Lil's face is bright red. Cassie gives her a smug grin. "I thought it but never said it out loud."

"But you did." Cass protests and she looks back at Derek. "We met five years ago; you were the one that pulled me out of the car when I was in my accident. I lost my mom and dad that night."

"That was you." He runs a hand through his hair.

What in the actual fuck is going on?

"See." She looks at all of us and her eyes linger on mine for a moment longer before she looks back at the doctor. "How the hell would I know that if you claim we just met in person? Better yet when I woke up." This time she looks at me and I cannot look away from the intensity in her eyes. "How the fuck do you explain that I knew who you were? When I have never seen your face. I may have traced your face a thousand times, but I still wouldn't know exactly how you look. I feel like I am going out of my damn mind."

"I honestly do not know the answer to that Cassie, but I would like to run some tests to see if there is any neurological damage from when you went into cardiac arrest. Do you feel like taking a walk with me? It will only take a little bit of time."

She nods her head and when she looks at me her lips tremble and she looks away quickly. Derek, because there is no way in hell am I calling him Dr. Fox helps her up and guides her out of the room.

Lil smacks me in the chest after I stand up.

"What the hell woman?"

"What the fuck was that? Is she freaking clairvoyant now or some shit?"

I sit back down on the edge of the hospital bed instead of that uncomfortable chair and cover my face with my hands. "I don't know Lil. She was adamant that we were together." I look up at her with pleading eyes and she sits next to me and puts her arm around my shoulder. "I always imagined what it would be like to kiss her and when it happened, I fucking freeze. What the hell am I, in high school again?" She squeezes my shoulder and giggles. "This is perfect Nate, you two can finally be together."

I jump off the bed and shake my head, as much as I would love to be with her, I can't.

"I'm not taking advantage of whatever the hell is going on with her right now for my selfish wants and needs."

"Nate." She stands up and puts both of her arms on my shoulders and shakes me slightly. "It's not taking advantage if it's what you both want."

"We don't know what she wants." I deny.

"You're an idiot. Whatever is going on with her, it just brought out her true feelings for you. That girl has had a thing for you probably just as long as you have had for her."

"It's not right, I can't. I got to go. Tell Cass, I'll come back to visit later."

"Nate, don't be a dumbass What am I supposed to tell her?"

I'm not, if I was, I would give into everything I have ever wanted, but I will not take advantage of her like that. I can feel myself panicking, and I never do, except for when I thought we were going to lose her.

"Make up something please." I beg and she must notice the desperation either in my voice or eyes, but she nods and pulls me into a quick hug.

"You damn fool, I got you though."

"Thank you."

This right here reminds me why I am friends with her and love her.

I kiss her forehead and rush out of there before Cass can see me being a coward at this moment. I just need to think everything through and process everything that has happened. How the hell are we going to go back to the way things were?

I'm sorry Cass. Please forgive me for abandoning you for the first time ever.