Lost in July

XX

Margo
~
I knew I wasn't going to get much sleep after the day I had.

Not only the quality time with Collin, but the fact that it was our last day together. I know neither of us are dying, but why does it feel like I'll never see him again?

Fuck if I know.

All I do know is that cuddling up to him, my head eventually falling onto his chest, listening to the rapid beat of his heart, was the most comfort I've had in years.

I felt safe. So safe I could've fallen asleep. I haven't fallen asleep in someone else's presence in years.

Now I'm alone after the nurses heckled us to get to bed. I received my nighttime medication and cuddled up with a book.

Despite the words on the page, I couldn't think of anything but Collin. His soft masculine voice, the strong yet gentle hold of his arms, the way he laughed at jokes that weren't even funny.

I can admit that for the first time, I felt like I might truly miss someone.

I never missed my parents when they would leave. I miss Marley every time I'm gone, but that's different. Part of me knew that if Marley wasn't my sister, we wouldn't be friends. She wouldn't love me. I was too fucked up.

Blood makes you family but it doesn't mean you're the same.

Missing Collin will hurt. I'll be worried about him, thinking about him, and it's just going to suck.

I don't want him to be alone here.

To think that I'd be leaving in the morning made me want to vomit. Going back home to my clueless parents and psychotic ex boyfriend / stalker. Yay.

I slam the book in my hands shut and place it on my side table. There's no use trying to escape to another world when mine is so damn loud.

I'm being picked up at eight in the morning anyway, so I should probably get some sleep.

I don't though. No matter how much tossing and turning I do, sleep doesn't come. Instead I just stare at the ceiling, counting the cracks and marks that litter the paint job.

I don't know how much time passes before a knock sounds at my door. My heart leaps as I slowly head to my door.

I open it, finding the boy I so badly wanted to see.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, grabbing his arm and pulling him inside. I shut the door and lean against it.

Collin stands in front of me, a shy smile on his face. "I can't sleep,"

"Me either," I confess. I sluggishly head over to my bed, plopping down. The bed creeks at my body weight, filling the silence.

Collin stares at me hesitantly, his feet staying planted to the floor in the middle of my room.

"You can lay with me, if you want," I offer. I don't know what came over me, but so didn't see anything wrong with it. I lay in bed with my friends all the time.

Well, when I had friends, and I guess they weren't really friends.

"Are you sure?" He asks, slowly walking over.