Lost in July

XXVII

trigger warning: this chapter contains very extensive depression & suicidal thoughts. Please do not read if you're in a tough place right now. <3 love you all

Collin
~
I'm currently sitting at the dinner table wishing I was still in the psych ward.

My parents went from borderline neglecting to overbearing with the snap of a finger. I don't know which is worse, honestly. My dad isn't as bad as Mom, but holy fuck, they're driving me crazy.

"So, Collin, we have something we want to talk about," my mother has her fake nice voice on, meaning this won't be something I want to talk about.

I put my fork down and lean back. "What?"

Dad narrows his eyes at me. "Show some respect,"

I huff, pulling myself up and straightening out my posture. I look at mom expectantly.

"Your school's Fall Formal is this weekend," she says. She looks at me as if I am supposed to know what she's implying. "we would like for you to go."

She can't be serious, can she?

"You're requiring me to go to a school dance?" I ask, trying not to sound too disrespectful. I think they're trying to make my life more miserable at this point.

Mom shakes her head. "We're not requiring you to go. We're gently suggesting that you do," so they're making me go.

"We want you to socialize," my father interjects. "it's time to start making friends. Maybe even a girlfriend."

I practically choke on my food at his words. Why the fuck would he randomly say that?

"I've had friends at that school before. It didn't go very well for me," I respond dryly.

"I still think you should talk to Davis. I loved that boy," once again, my mother brings up Davis, my ex best friend, who betrayed me in more ways than one. Yet mother thinks he's an absolute angel.

Thank God I haven't seen him around school. I know he'd try to come up to me, or at least send a wave of acknowledgment, and honestly? I don't care to return it. I don't feel the need to stay in touch with anyone from before.

I know it's probably a shitty thing to do, but Davis betrayed me, several times. And now he's best friends with all the people I can't stand, so he's doing just fine without me.

"If you really want me to go, let me bring my own date," I say confidently. I shouldn't be confident, though. My planned date is Margo, but she doesn't go to my school and my parents would not support it if they knew she was from Orchard Hills.

My mother's drawn on eyebrows raise. "You've got someone in mind?"

"Mhmm," I mumble. I can feel my father's eyes on me but I ignore him, practically scarfing down the last of my dinner. When I finally finish I excuse myself and head to my room. "Fuck."

This is exhausting. I just got let out of the mental hospital and they want me to go to a school dance? To stand around with a bunch of rich kids I couldn't relate to less.

I don't even know if Margo will go with me, but she's the only way I'll be attending. If Margo says yes, I'll go, if she doesn't, I'm stop stepping foot into that stupid dance.