Lost in July

XLII

Collin
~
It's been a forty eight hours since I saw Margo and I already miss her.

I've continued to refuse to go to school. I lay in bed most of the day, sneaking off to our gym on the second floor when my parents are at work.

I'm hoping the longer I appear bedridden and hopeless, the sooner my parents will cave and take me back to Orchard Hills.

I don't know if I'm just hitting a breaking point, but I've decided that today is the day I start my two weeks, with or without my parents approval. I'll talk to them first, but if they refuse i'll simply walk through the front doors of Orchard Hills and demand hospitalization. That oughta work.

It's only a miracle I've managed to feed myself through all this overthinking and misery. I'll never understand how kids with much less resources than I have feed themselves while dealing with depression. It's hard enough for me to eat the breakfast that's prepared for me, and that reminds me just how pathetic I truly am.

Margo's probably better off without me, but I'm a selfish bastard.

"Thanks," I mumble to Bradley. He nods, handing me syrup for the waffles he made.

I hear the heels of my mother's work shoes clacking against the hardwood as she walks into the kitchen. She glared at me, trying to suppress the shock on her face as she sees me eating.

"Son," she acknowledges me, her eyes never meeting mine. "will you be attending school today?"

"Nope."

She sighs. "You can't keep this up forever. It's the law to go to school, Collin."

"The law doesn't matter much when you have no will to live," I respond, cutting my waffle into tiny pieces.

My mother's eyes widen, her face pink with embarrassment. "Shush, Collin. Don't say things like that."

"Like what?" I ask. "The truth?"

My father enters the room now, glaring at me. "You're going to school, Collin. Enough of this bullshit."

I push my plate away and sit up from my chair, letting the legs scrape against the floor.

"I'm not going anywhere except Orchard Hills, my bed, or hell." I cross my arms, standing up for myself for once. They think I'll simply give up, but that's not happening.

My father pinches the bridge of his nose. "Fine! Fuck, you want to be a locked up psychopath for the rest of your life? Fine. I don't give a fuck anymore. I have a real job to get to. A real life to live." He storms out of the room after his rant and I stare at the door with wide eyes.

My mother seems to be just as surprised. She taps her foot on the ground, blankly staring as she tries to figure out how to respond to my fathers outburst. I'm still standing awkwardly, waiting for her to say something.

"I— I don't know what's gotten into your father. We'll figure this out when I'm back from work," she says.

"No!" I shout. "I am not spending another day losing my fucking mind, staring at the ceiling and contemplating death. I'm going to Orchard Hills, and I'm going now." I walk away from her and trudge up the stairs. I can hear her following close behind me.