denial

acceptance

acceptance; the quality or state of being
accepted or acceptable.

"i can change everything
about me to fit in."

charlotte:

some people may ask, "why do you think your best friend is supposed to spend more time with you instead of their significant other?" and i think it's a loaded question for many reasons, that i find to be super obvious. especially after what happened with me and lily.

we met in sixth grade. she quickly became my close friend. although i had a friend group already, and someone i considered my best friend in the group, i knew that she wasn't going to last, not as real as lily. her name was ella and she was pretty cool but she got lost when the group became popular. i sort of left the group after that. lily and i hung out at the sixth grade dance together for its entirety and by the summer, we were inseparable.

we'd go downtown, have sleepovers at my house, or i'd walk seven minutes to her house to hangout and watch a movie. we supported each other when one of us wasn't doing too well, or when i was comparing myself to another girl in our grade, etc.

when seventh grade rolled around, she was my favourite person. my best friend. we texted everyday, sometimes even in our classes. we hung out on every weekend we could and do anything we could. she was there for me when i was left standing alone by my old friend group, and i never told her how much i appreciated her help.

the seventh school year sucked, but we face-timed, texted, and hung out whenever we could. i loved her slightly darker skin, her thick brown hair, and her gorgeous brown eyes, and she loved my pale skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes. we were each other's hype people, and we loved each other, but only platonically.

the summer going into seventh grade, our parents drove us places everyday. we hung out with each other even more than we ever had, and because she didn't like having pictures of herself taken and i did, she was also somewhat my personal photographer.

as the school year of grade eight was approaching, me and her were in a new friend group together. four guys, three girls. the other girl was claire. claire was super pretty, brown layered hair with highlights, pale skin, hazelish eyes. she wore super cute clothes and was friends with the girl i'd always compared myself to.

the guys names were noah, ryan, nathan and luke. noah moved by us in early seventh grade and i was his first friend, ryan i had known and been friends with since fifth grade, nathan i'd never really talked to until we got close in seventh grade, and luke was never someone i liked. i didn't like the way he acted, and always found him to be a try-hard class clown. but i respected how much he tried to be one.

noah had a round face with roundish fluffy light brown hair and wasn't super tall. ryan had short dirty blonde hair and was sort of lanky, but he wasn't majorly tall too. nathan had short dark brown hair and had a body similarly to noah. and luke had a taller light brown fluff on his head and was taller than all three of the other boys. he played football and made fun of the three boys for the height difference.

i knew that i could be acceptable for people. i knew i could find a way to be accepted this school year. it was a goal. i thought it'd be easily reachable but i soon started to think differently.

authors note: sorry if there's mistakes in this chapter! i wrote this chapter at 1am, and got the initial idea for this whole thing at 1am so i'm sorry if it's written weird🫶🏼