denial

friendship

           friendship; the emotion & conduct of
           friends, the state of being friends

                  "its nice to have a friend."

charlotte:

i started off april break with jasmine, abigail and sarah. we went out to dinner and then had a sleepover at my place. then two days later me and jasmine explored a gorgeous school with the prettiest chapel. not that we were religious, but it was gorgeous. then we both spent about 20 minutes at the beach, realized it was terribly cold, and her mom picked us up. two days after that, me abigail, jasmine, sarah and a new girl in our group named zoe joined. she and i were friends but never totally talked until april break. we hung out at her place and i thought she was super cool. i also met a girl named ella.

one day ella invited me to hangout at her place, and i was there for a solid two days. she was so sweet, fun, and her family was super caring. we went downtown, out to eat, and had a sleepover. we talked for hours and got to know each other really well. although her family was more better off then mine, she never mentioned it. she invited me over with pure kindness. she was also really pretty.

lily kept lying to me throughout the break. telling me that she couldn't call because she was "out with her family." so i took my dog out on a walk and called her.

"hey lily, can we talk right now?"

"yeah of course. is everything okay?"

"i was going to ask you that. you've been distant and lying to me even though you know it doesn't bother me that you're with the group. they're your friend group."

"charlotte..."

"look, we're hanging out on friday, okay?"

"okay."

"and you'll catch me up on what you've been doing during break, and you won't hide anything from me right?" i asked her.

she paused and was hesitant. "okay. love you, see you then char."

i ended the call and felt satisfied knowing we could hangout on friday. friday wasn't until school started but it was okay with me. it would be the 28th of april.

that monday, my group of sarah, abigail, jasmine and i, had to new girls. zoe and ella. me and ella obviously got super close so she sat next to me. the strangest part was, ella was really popular. i sometimes wonder why she became friends with us. especially me. even zoe was popular, but not as much as ella. ella outsold us all on that rank. but we didn't need to be popular. sure some of us had our popular friends, but with ella sitting with us. the lunchroom whispered.

the next day in first period, luke and gabe sat closer to me than usual. mainly because today they were sitting with ryan and ryan was only two seats behind me. luke was sitting in the desk to the left of ryan, and gabe was sitting in front of that. which meant gabe was sitting next to me. i sort of felt like we were actually friends and it was nice to think about it like that, even if i somewhat hoped he liked me a little more than a friend.

"hey." gabe leaned a little close to me. 

"hi." i said back to him.

"since when were you friends with ella?" he asked. my hopes crashed a little after that. i mean seriously she just became my good friend and suddenly he has a crush on her?

"we've been friends since sixth grade, but started hanging out more out of school during the break, why?"

"my friend has a huge crush on her and when you two walked by us he was a little shocked." he answered.

"not to be nosy, but which friend has a crush on ella?" i asked. i knew it was rude, but i was curious.

"i can't tell you right now, there's too many people around. meet me by the lockers before lunch." he told me.

"okay." i promised him. my heart fluttered a little and when he turned around i could tell he made eye contact with ryan, and i could already guess what he was thinking.

as i got dismissed from third period i walked over to the lockers and saw gabe. he walked over to me and said a simple hey.

"let's talk too secret info." i said jokingly to him. he laughed and made me promise that i wouldn't tell ella, or any loud mouth, or anyone. "i promise, gabe." i told him. he told me that it was he and luke's friend evan. i knew him. i told him it didn't surprise me and he walked me to lunch. more eyes flared at me. some guys, mainly girls, especially claire, ryan lily and luke.

when i walked to my table ella quickly said, "please tell me you two don't have something."

"why?"

"he's such an awful guy. i stopped hanging out with those people because he was so mean."

i was shocked. we had become friends. he walked me to my class twice, walked me to lunch, and that's when it hit me. he told me his friends secret. i'd officially realized what i had done.