denial

crush

          crush; a feeling of romantic love for
          someone that is usually not expressed
          and does not last a long time.

"i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you."

lily:

1 week later.

now that it was spirit week on monday, i knew charlotte was excited. she had told me that she was doing to be participating in it every day which made me happy. she even had a number on the thursday pep rally. charlotte sat with us on monday, tuesday, wednesday and thursday but sat with her group on friday. all was well for our group and her sitting together, but i knew she still didn't like it. luke and noah were trying to convince ryan to confess his feelings for charlotte, but i told them they didn't even know if she liked anyone. i got interrogated by them to see if she did, but i honestly had no clue.

when monday came, it was decades day. she dressed seventies inspired and had blue and white vibrant patterned pants on and a white shirt. she looked great and those pants. almost everyone in our grade talked to her. i even saw gabe catch up with her in the hallway and they seemed like they were actually friends. i thought it'd be cool if she were to date one of lukes friends. i asked him that day if gabe liked anyone, and he said he'll ask him tomorrow.

the next day was costume day. charlotte dressed as a pink lady from grease, and i loved it. i saw how close jasmine and abigail were getting to charlotte and it made me glad she found good solid friends. but i also saw that gabe started talking to charlotte more in the hallways and that's when i asked luke if he'd talked to him at lunch.

"lily, he told me that he's not dating or talking to anyone. is that what you need?" luke told me.

"i'm wondering if he's interested in anyone, even you saw them talk in the hallway sort of closely." i said to him.

"i'm not trying to listen in on your conversation, but who are you two talking about?" ryan asked. i was praying that luke wouldn't tell him.

"yeah same. seriously who on earth could be 'talking closely?'" claire added. even noah. chimed in on his curiosity.

"we're talking about my friend and char-"

"we're talking about his friend and someone else. that's all." i interrupted him. i have him a glade and hoped ryan didn't figure it out.

"charlotte? talking to one of your friends?" noah said and laughed. "you two are crazy. no offence lily but i doubt any one of his friends would actually date her." i thought his words were harsh.

"it's wouldn't be crazy." ryan added.

"that's because you have the hots for her." noah argued with ryan. ryan was visibly angry.

"there's no way she's talking to anyone regardless. i feel like she'd tell me or lily." ryan pleaded.

"why would lily tell you that she's talking to someone?" claire asked him.

"okay stop it guys. charlotte is allowed to be friends with my friends." luke said. and with that, everyone stopped arguing and finished their lunch. when i got home, i texted charlotte and asked if i could go over her house for a few hours. she said sure and i was over within walking minutes. she showed me her outfit for tomorrow which was country day. her outfit was super cute and then i told her about what happened at lunch.

"do you like him?" i asked her.

"gabe? i don't know. he's cute and all but i just don't know how to feel. i mean he's luke's friend which is weird. he's also not the sweetest guy i could go for. but don't get me wrong, him somehow finding ways to walk me to my classes is kind of cute. but i also just don't think it's good to like someone right now."

"he walks you to class?!" i asked excitedly.

"he's only done it twice." shes swore to me.

in that moment i knew that i had to tell her about ryan. the guys were trying to get him to ask her to the dance in may. "look i need to tell you something char."

"what's up? is everything okay?" she asks innocently. it crushed me to have to tell her this.

"it's about ryan." i paused. she seemed concerned. "he's not hurt or anything like that but it's not a happy thing either." she seemed a little less concerned but more curious. "he likes you. like he's like you for a while." i said slowly.

"me?" she said confused. "he told me about a girl he liked and it didn't seem like it was me?" she said even more confused.

"trust me. he likes you. luke knows it. i know it. claire knows it, noah knows it. you get the point. i'm sorry i just didn't want you not know. he's liked you since december."

"i feel like an idiot." she said to me. i pulled her into a hug and told her that the only reason she couldn't tell was because she didn't sit with our lunch group a lot. soon enough i went home because it started to get a little dark.

i texted luke when i got home and told him about what i told charlotte. i expected him to be mad, but he understood where i was coming from, and promised me that he wouldn't tell ryan or anyone else that i told charlotte. we said goodnight and i went to sleep.

the next two days of school were uneventful, but friday was the first day of april break. i knew charlotte and i would hangout at least every other day.