denial

happiness

          
             happiness: the state of being happy

"i'm laughing with my lover, making forts
under covers."

lily:

as i got my food from the lunch lady, i felt happy to think that charlotte would sit with me and luke. i walked away from the lunch ladies and into the cafeteria. i watched as luke, ryan and charlotte were talking and walking over to the table. everyone knew ryan liked charlotte, but if we're being honest i doubt charlotte knows. she's not good at knowing that stuff. i loved luke's outfit today. a dark blue shirt with off white sweats. his hair looked super cute too.

i waved at the three of them and charlotte waved back with a smile on her face. i loved her shirt today. it was the cutest red top id ever seen paired with jeans that only she could pull off.

i sat down at the table and said hi to claire and noah, and then luke, ryan and charlotte sat down. luke sat next to me while ryan charlotte and claire sat across from us. noah was on my left and luke was on my right. i could tell that noah's presence was somewhat freaking charlotte out, but so did ryan so he distracted her from her thoughts.

i will admit, they'd be cute in some ways. but i don't see them ever happening.

"are you going to be sitting here more often charlotte?" claire asked her. her body stiffened when she noticed all of our eyes were on her, including noah's.

"maybe. probably not more often, but if you guys actually wanted me to then maybe sometimes." she responded. i respected her response. she seemed calm, even though deep down i knew she wasn't.

"don't you sit with jasmine, sarah and abigail?" luke asked her. his eyes were full of curiosity. i only knew that because when we were first talking and getting to know each other his eyes looked much stronger, but still had hints of that.

"yeah, right over there." she said as she pointed to the table diagonal. i watched as noah stared at one of them, i couldn't tell which one, but i could sense it. and that's when noah spoke to charlotte for the first time in 2 months.

"are you close with them?" he asked her. everyone paused what they were doing. claire, ryan, luke and i were shocked. i looked at charlotte and somehow she seemed like she'd been preparing for this moment.

"you could say that." she said as she started to dip her cucumbers in the ranch and eat it. he didn't seem satisfied with her answer, which i knew brought satisfaction to her. which impressed me. just then claire, ryan and charlottes eyes adjusted behind me and luke. soon enough luke's friend, gabe, pushed luke in and started talking to him. it was about sports and i could see charlotte looking at him a few times more than expected.

at the end of the day, i felt pure happiness. nothing bad happened at lunch. it was great. me and luke facetimed for a little bit and honestly i'd never felt better these last few months. maybe luke and charlotte could actually pull this friend thing off. a few hours later when i was finishing my math homework charlotte facetimed me and we talked about lunch. she told me she'll sit with jasmine, sarah and abigail tomorrow.

abigail was quiet from what i knew. i knew her and charlotte had known each other since preschool but didn't start talking again until she was sitting with jasmine. but from what charlotte told me, she was sweet, and liked taylor swift somehow more than charlotte did.

i went to sleep very happy that night. i wondered if it would get so well to the point that she'd be back in our group. i knew she'd never do it, but it could just be my before bed fantasy. i texted luke goodnight and saw that charlotte did the same to me. i responded saying a simple 'goodnight char'.