denial

betrayal

betrayal; the action of betraying one's
country, a group, or a person.

"look at this godforsaken mess that you
made me"

charlotte:

when i woke up on friday, i was in a better mood. i was going to hangout with my best friend for the first time in months. when we got to her house, we jammed out to reputation by taylor swift and all was well. twenty minutes after we got to her room with snacks and tried to figure out what movie we were going to watch, she turned off the tv. i looked at her confused.

"i have to tell you something that you may not like." she said not even looking at me. her body was adjusted the opposite way from me.

"is everything okay? did you ruin the book i let you borrow because it's okay i have a spare in my roo-"

"no!" she interrupted. "gosh, sorry charlotte but." then she cut herself off. "look charlotte i want you to know that i love you so much and you're my best friend."

"okay?"

"it's about me and luke." she said.

"did you two breakup?" i asked trying to hide the happiness that thought brought me. i wasn't sure exactly why, but it made me happy thinking they were over.

"no," she paused without a smile on her face. "we made out. like made out made out."

when i didn't answer after a couple seconds she told me, "i know you don't want to hear something like that but you're my best friend and ryan and claire told me it'd be best if i told you." she quickly said.

"ryan and claire?" i asked.

when she realized what i caught, she felt apologetic.

"you told claire before me? and ryan?" i asked her. "let me guess, noah knows too?" her brown eyes saddened when i asked her this.

"well claire had already done it with her ex. and noah knew because luke told him." she said it as if it justified her telling me last.

"when?" i paused. "how long have they known before me?" i asked.

"look char,"

"don't." i said to her as i got off from her bed and onto the floor to put on my shoes.

"charlotte? where are you going?" she asked scared.

"where am i going?! when are you going to admit you don't want to be my friend anymore?!" i blew up at her. i immediately realized what i said and took a deep breathe. "i think it's best if i leave and cool off." i told her. i was hoping she'd understand but she didn't.

"no, stay." she pleaded.

"look lills, i love you, but if i stay and you ask me how i feel about it i'm going to say things that you won't like." i told her honestly.

"i need your judgment in my life char."

"was that why you were so happy to hear me invite myself over? so you could finally tell me about you and luke's new accomplishments?!"

"no! i wanted to see you! you're my best friend charlotte and i can't live without you. and i can't believe you'd even think that way."

"you can't? gosh you have no clue about anything good in my life. you only see what you see at school and assume that's my life right now. you only see me walking into the cafeteria with gabe. you don't see the fact that i'm making good friends."

"i do see that charlotte, and you have no clue how proud i am of you for making new friends."

i walked away to the bathroom and secluded myself there for a few minutes. when i got out i went over to lilys room. "i'm sorry for blowing up at you."

"i'm sorry for being inconsiderate." she told me. she seemed genuine and i was about to leave it at that when she asked me how i really felt.

"what?" i asked her caught off guard.

"what's your opinion on it?" she asked again.

"hmmmm," i paused. "what is my opinion of my best friend genuinely making out with a guy who has bullied literally everyone in our grade?"

"charlotte." she said lightly, sadly and defeated.

"look, i'm not trying to seem like your mother, but i still don't think we're at the age of that. i mean jeez lills. how would your parents feel?"

"charlotte?!"

"i'm serious lily. sure it might've been a fun one time thing for you two, but what will happen when people in our grade find out? if luke tells his friends everyone will know your tongue was in his mouth and vice versa?"

"i-i.." she stuttered. "i didn't think about it like that."

"and what did claire say?"

"she thought nothing of it?"

"my moms picking me up at the end of your street i have to go. love you lills."

"love you too charlotte." she said sad.

i almost felt bad for what i'd said. my mom
could tell i was upset so she hugged me and drove me home in silence. but what she didn't realize was the reason i was so upset was because i was actually in love with my best friend. which took me the time in the bathroom to think about.