Lovers in Denial (a Chuuya x Akutagawa fanfic)

Chapter 17: Chuuya Talks With Kouyou

After being sure that Gin, Akutagawa, and Q were being supervised by Hirotsu, Chuuya was walking away. He was being hit with all the same confusing feelings he'd felt so much recently, and he decided that he needed to ask for more advice. He'd already talked to Kunikida and Q, and they'd definitely helped. But he still wasn't sure what to do, so naturally he went to another one of the people he trusted the most.

Chuuya found Kouyou sitting on a couch a few rooms away and walked over to her. "Ane-san?"

She looked up. "Oh hey, Chuuya. Is something wrong?"

"Actually, yeah. Well, not exactly wrong, I guess. I'm just really confused. Can I talk to you?"

Kouyou nodded and patted the empty space next to her. "Of course."

Chuuya sat down. "Like I said, I've been really confused about something lately. More confused than I've ever been in my life. I need some advice."

"Sure, what's up?" Kouyou asked.

"So awhile ago, Akutagawa and I talked and bonded over jealousy," Chuuya began.

"Jealousy, you say?" Kouyou repeated.

Chuuya nodded. "Kunikida, my friend from the agency and the mackerel's partner, got amnesia awhile back and he didn't remember me-or anyone for that matter-and the mackerel just kept rubbing it in my face like I wasn't already aware of the fact that Kunikida didn't remember me. I finally came back here after a long, frustrating day and screamed in frustration-"

Kouyou wasn't able to suppress her laughter upon hearing that.

"Hey, what's so funny?" Chuuya demanded.

"You," Kouyou replied, still laughing.

Chuuya reluctantly laughed, too. "Ok yeah. Looking back, I guess it does sound funny that I just walked into here and then screamed. But it was far from funny back then. Anyways, Akutagawa heard me and asked if I wanted to talk about what was frustrating me. I was shocked to hear something like that, but before I knew it, I was venting to him. He listened to what I said and even tried to help me feel better. And then he started venting his problems to me, too. I then also tried to help him feel better. I decided it was the least I could do since he'd just done that for me. I mentioned how I was frustrated about how the mackerel kept making fun of me, and Akutagawa mentioned how he was jealous of Atsushi since Dazai never treated him well and then moved on to some new student that he treated way better. what makes it even worse is that as far as I know, Atsushi never had to try to get Dazai's attention, he just always had it right from the start. I felt really bad for Akutagawa. All he ever wanted was a little approval from the mackerel, and he never got it no matter what he did. He eventually decided to give up trying because he didn't see a point anymore."

Kouyou nodded solemnly.

"And I know I probably can't replace the idolization Akutagawa had for the waste of bandages, but...I've been trying my best to make sure he knows I care about him and he never has to try to gain my approval because he already has it," Chuuya continued.

Kouyou smiled. "You're a good guy, Chuuya. I've always admired how you look out for those you care about."

Chuuya smiled back. "Thanks, Ane-san. But I can't take all the credit. Q also tries to help Akutagawa feel appreciated."

"Q's a good kid," Kouyou commented.

"They really are," Chuuya agreed.

"Oh, you mentioned you needed advice for something. What was it?" Kouyou asked.

Chuuya remembered the reason he'd come over there in the first place. "So after that whole ordeal happened, Akutagawa and I started to become friends instead of just coworkers. But lately, I've been questioning my feelings about him."