How I Died [Selected Poem]

INSOMNIA

It's already 3 o'clock in the morning,

But I find myself still awake,

My eyes were glued to the ceiling.

Badly wanted to sleep, but my eyes doesn't cooperate.

For my consciousness were still awake.

I left no choice but to see what I could do, to be able to sleep, for I felt exhausted already.

I get up from my tangled bed sheets and searched all my drawers, cabinet, and even the under of my bed.

But couldn't find what I'm looking for,

But I know I had to finished my errands to be able to find comfort.

I instantly get frustrated, and eschewed my stuff on the table.

A sound of dropped razor on the floor, lighted up my face, almost instantly.

I find the corner of my lips twitched upward.

'At last it showed up!'

Rolled up my sleeves, I pointed it out on my pale skin.

And slit it, multiple times.

Some are deep, some may be shallows.

Tint of reddish liquid, rushed from the wounds I, myself did and a sudden twinge flashes upon.

Feeling the numbness, I now feel satisfied.

I reached the bottle of ethyl alcohol from one of my drawers.

Once poured it merciless, stingy feelings almost tripled.

I clench my fist, reminiscing the old so called 'the great days.'

Asking myself—'How I ended up this way?'

But, found no answered to my deafening silence.

I wiped it with a clean napkin, and hide it to my secrete storage box.

Avoiding to be questioned and scolded once my mom visited my room which in the mids of chaos.

She knows, my moral sins but not exactly how it feels like—

She can't do anything about it, for I'm a pro in hiding and pretending like there's nothing wrong with me.

Deliberately act pretentiously like an innocent girl who couldn't raise a sharp blade and slit her own to bleed.

At last—drowsiness decided to visit my consciousness.

Finally—I now found tranquility in the mids of my insomnia.

Goodnight, my dear.