egoist // yuyeon.

9.

. . .

No matter what everyone said, I should've prepared myself for this. As much as I hate to admit it, things are slowly falling apart.

I stayed up until like 4 a.m. watching Soyeon on "Unpretty Rapstar" because I didn't have time to watch them on my TV. And I couldn't make myself watch them any earlier, because this is the reason she's had to cancel her plans with me four times in a row. When we finally went out two days ago, I was forced to act like it didn't hurt. It does hurt. It hurts knowing Soyeon is slowly gonna leave me behind. It hurts knowing I can't talk to her about this like I talk to her about everything else. Because this is her dream, right? I shouldn't crush it.

Just like Soojin said. Be happy for her.

. . .

I look terrible due to the lack of sleep, but there's nothing I can do about it now that I'm walking to class. As I enter, the popular kids turn their heads and look at me. I hear them whispering, and finally, someone says out loud, "The other woman."

"Girl, to be exact." Someone else adds. "How's it like seeing Soyeon go places, Yuqi?"

This is unbelievable.

"Shut the fuck up!" I yell at the girl who was talking. The class goes silent, and then the door opens and closes. Soyeon looks around, confused. We make eye contact, and she immediately understands.

"Leave her alone, will you?" Soyeon says with a dull tone. The popular kids obey and she walks me to our seat.

Moon hasn't been talking to us and changed her seat. Soojin now sits alone in front of us, while Moon sits on the other side of the classroom.

"Hey.." Soojin says as we sit down. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I say. I glance at Soyeon, who stares blankly into space. "I should get used to that now, I guess."

That probably wasn't the right thing to say, but I couldn't care less right now. I'm angry. I'm angry at everyone in this class. I'm mad at Soojin for telling me Soyeon wouldn't leave me behind.

And I'm mad at Soyeon for doing the exact opposite of what I was told she'd do.

She looks at me, and Soojin does too.

"Hey, can we please not?" Soojin says softly. Soyeon looks back down and doesn't say a word.

"Not what?" I ask innocently.

"Please just don't stir anything up, Yuqi," Soojin says, constantly glancing at Soyeon, like she's waiting for her to confirm herwords. But Soyeon doesn't react. "You remember what we talked about, don't you?"

Soyeon glares at her for a second as she says this, then looks back down.

"You know, many people who dream of becoming famous don't really get to experience it," Soojin says, emphasising the word many and talking to me softly like she'd talk to a five-year-old who's throwing a fit. "Can't you just be more optimistic?"

"I only said one sentence, Soojin." I reply flatly. "Why did this have to get so deep? I never said anything about Soyeon, did I?"

I realize both Soojin and I are talking about her like she's not right next to us.

"It was very clearly implied, Yuqi, and you know that." Soojin continues, still talking to me softly like I'm a small child. Rage builds up in me and I want to explode.