egoist // yuyeon.

epilogue.

I open my eyes and immediately realize how bad the place smells.

It's two days after Soyeon's birthday. We threw a party last night. Shuhua helped. I really hope everyone is gone by now, or that Shuhua kicked them out, because I don't wanna deal with cleaning up after people.

I'm not one to get nervous at parties, but last night was a little... intimidating. But after a few drinks, I think I became wild like the others. Soyeon didn't. I'm just glad she actually enjoyed the party though.

"Can you please wash that off?"

I snap back into reality and realize Soyeon is sitting up, petting Haku, but she's looking at me. My forehead. "i love u soyeon" written on it with eyeliner and with two hearts at the beginning and end of the sentence.

"You can wash it off for me," I say. We both turn our heads as we hear some noise from downstairs, but that should just be Shuhua cleaning. I hope it is, anyway.

"Get up, then." Soyeon says, laying back down next to me. I giggle.

"You first."

"No."

"Yes."

"No.

Before I can say yes again, Mata sits next to me and begins licking my nose. Soyeon smirks, but then she gets up and grabs my hand, pulling me up with her. Soyeon still has makeup on. She's still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. I am, too.

As we walk into the bathroom, I laugh at my reflection and the smudged writing on my forehead. I then stare at myself for a little, until Soyeon splashes water on my face. I sigh, and face her so she can take off my makeup. I open my eyes and stare into hers.

It wasn't looking too good between us for a second there. I didn't really imagine that would be the night we officially started dating. But it is, and I can't imagine anything better, frankly.

I would like to know what Soyeon is thinking at certain times. Like those moments when we just stare at each other, seconds before a hungry and devouring makeout session. Or when she just looks right into my eyes as I'm talking. Or the nights after the kiss at the playground when we had some... deep talks and there was more crying. Soyeon's expression can be so unreadable at times and I just wanna ask her what's on her mind, but maybe there's things I shouldn't know.

Her expression was unreadable when she saw me that night when shit happened. I remember it like it was yesterday. No hint of sadness or surprise when I turned around, but at least her voice showed she was about to cry when she spoke. I wonder if she paid attention to the other sentences back then.

I look deeper into her eyes. Right now, all I can tell is that she's happy. Calm. Like I am.

I wonder if Soyeon can't fall asleep at times, and just closes her eyes and that night pops up in her head. I wonder if she thinks about all the people that led up to it, and that they had something to do with it. Does she think it was all me?

Because it wasn't all me.

"I should've gotten in. You know who I am. That should be me."

If I never spoke to her at lunch that one day, I wouldn't ever have guessed that Minnie wrote those. She gave me a reason to think that. She shouldn't have told me that, because now I think about the fact that Soyeon works every day with someone who fucked things up for her. And that concerns me.

Moon would've never given me the details and address of that company if she didn't have something against Soyeon. The guy she put on the phone with me sounded exactly like the guy at that shop where I bought the soju and spray paint. He told me the exact consequences that something like this could bring. Why would he tell me all that, if he "didn't know" what I was going there for?

"I tried to make things right. I swear."

Soojin.

She did something bad, she said. Why would she give me advice? Why would she even tell me she did something bad? Wouldn't I guess? Wouldn't Soyeon just know it was her?

Soojin always told me how Soyeon wouldn't leave me behind and stuff. It all adds up; she tried to make things right.

"Yuqi."

I blink. "What?"

"It's done." Soyeon says. Oh.

"Oh." I look at myself in the mirror. Soyeon wraps her arm around my waist and stares into the mirror with me. There it is, that unreadable expression again, that I'm so, so curious about.

"Are you okay, love?" She asks softly. I stare at her a bit more until she realizes, and stares at my reflection.

"Do you ever just... think," I ask quietly, but it doesn't come out as a question. Soyeon sighs. She knows what I'm talking about. The look in her eyes changes, and it somehow becomes angry. It scared me a little, because I never really knew how much anger Soyeon was capable of expressing. Now I know.

Soyeon doesn't say anything for a little. She just stares at my reflection, then looks down at the sink with eyeliner stains on it that she hasn't rinsed off.

"Can you get out for a second," Soyeon asks quietly, again, not sounding like a question.

"Sure." I say. She removes her arm from my waist as I walk out of the bathroom and close the door. I stand behind it for a second, waiting to hear something, anything, water running, footsteps, but there's nothing. Soyeon doesn't move from her spot, because I'm now peeking from the keyhole.

She thinks. She definitely thinks. She definitely knows I didn't write all of those, and she can definitely think of the other people who did.

But it's best we pretend to move on. There's a lot of things we haven't talked about, that we would've addressed, but I think they should stay that way. Untouched. I love Soyeon with my whole heart, my whole entre being, and she feels the same. We're happy. We're in love. We don't talk about the past. We don't talk about Minnie, Moon or Soojin. And it's better this way.

I'll try my best to let things stay this way.

Soyeon opens the door. I smile at her.

"More cuddles?" I ask. "Downstairs is being taken care of."

Soyeon no longer looks angry. She looks cute. She looks like she wants cuddles and kisses. She nods. I smile again, and grab her hand.

I cup her face in my hands and kiss her as we get back in bed. Soyeon smiles as we pull away. I kiss her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, her lips again. She moves closer to me. I tell her I love her. She says she loves me too. I love her more. No, she loves me more. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

And it's better if it all remains this way.