Warhammer 40K: Anti-Haremist [OC]

Extra 2: "A New Friend, Father."

While the Custodes known as "Kitten" does something else, Magnus has teleported back to the Imperial Palace wearing the hoodie his new friend gave him.

Magnus: "Father! What is it you want?"

Emperor: "MAGNUS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING?"

Magnus: "Ugh, does it displease you again, father? Will you berate me on having the sense of fashion of an Ork?"

Emperor: "NO. IT IS ACTUALLY PRETTY NEAT. FOR ONCE, YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE SOMETHING EDGY AND YOU NO LONGER HAVE HORNS FOR TITS. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT, ANYWAY?"

Magnus: "Was that... a compliment from you, father?"

Magnus was internally in disbelief.

Emperor: "YES IT WAS, NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP. CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE IN THE WARP DID YOU GET THAT?"

Magnus: "Hmph! >:) If you hadn't known already, I have friends. I got it from one of them."

Emperor: "YOU? FRIENDS? ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

Rogal Dorn: "It is hard to believe you have friends, Magnus. Thus, it is funny to father."

Magnus: "*Groan* That's obvious enough, Dorn."

Emperor: "-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HAH. MAGNUS, WE BOTH KNOW YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS."

Magnus: "I do have friends, DAD! In fact, I'm so good at making friends, I recently made a new one whilst I was studying in the Black Library."

Emperor: "A NEW FRIEND?"

Magnus: "A new friend, father."

Emperor: "..."

Magnus: "..."

Rogal Dorn: "... We are in silence for dramatic effect. ..."

Emperor: 

Magnus: "Stop it. Stop laughing, father!"

Magnus was irritated.

Magnus groans as he takes Diet Pepsi can, which is the equivalent size for a Primarch, opens the can, and then takes a drink out of it.

This causes the Emperor to stop laughing.

Emperor: "MAGNUS. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DRINK?"

Magnus: "Why? Are you gonna laugh at me again for my choice of drinks?"

He asks with a low-energy tone.

Emperor: "NO. ACTUALLY, I THINK THAT HELPS US A BIT. NOW, FOR THE REASON WHY I CALLED YOU HERE. MAGNUS, I HAVE FELT A MAJOR FRAGMENT OF MY SOUL VANISH."

Magnus: "hhhWHAT?!"

Emperor: "AT THE SAME TIME, I FELT THE PRESENCE OF A BEING THAT ONLY RECENTLY HAD A CONNECTION WITH THE WARP, AND THEN SOON DISAPPEARED."

Rogal Dorn: "Are you implying that your soul has been reborn?"

Emperor: "WOW. I'M SURPRISED YOU MADE A SIMPLE HYPOTHESIS, BUT NO."

Magnus: "How could this BE, father? Without your soul, you will not be able to be resurrected eventually!"

Emperor: "I'M NOT SURE HOW THAT HAPPENED. MAYBE SHE GOT MANIFESTED FROM ALL THAT PSYCHIC STRAIN ON THE PSYKERS IN THE WARP."

Magnus: "What?"

Emperor: "LATER. BUT ANYWAY, FOR A LITTLE WHILE, THROUGH THAT PART OF MY SOUL, I WAS ABLE TO LEARN A FEW THINGS ABOUT HER."

Rogal Dorn: "Who, father?"

Magnus: ""Her"?"

Emperor: "MAGNUS, WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT FRIEND THAT GAVE YOU THAT HOODIE AND PEPSI 6-PACK?"

Magnus: "You know this is a hoodie? And, for your information, father, this is a Diet Pepsi. *Muttering* Which implies there's a non-diet variant."

Emperor: "STOP STALLING AND FUCKING SPEAK ALREADY, YOU TOMATO HEAD SOY WOJAK."

Magnus: "Alright, alright! Her name is Kyrie and I sensed she is a powerful psyker."

Emperor: "JUST AS I SUSPECTED."

Rogal Dorn: "What did you suspect, father?"

Emperor: "KYRIE KOTOMINE. SHE IS A HUMAN FEMALE WHO SOMEHOW SURVIVED IN THE WARP. SHE WAS 5'5" PRIOR TO SURVIVING IN THE WARP FOR A SHORT WHILE BEFORE I FELT THE LOSS OF A PIECE OF MY SOUL."

Magnus: "Father, wait.... Are you implying that Kyrie, my new friend, stole a part of your soul to become a powerful psyker?"

Emperor: "PROBABLY."

Magnus: "So that's why she was afraid of me."

Emperor: "BUT PROBABLY NOT."

Magnus: "What?"

Emperor: "DURING THAT SMALL TIME I SENSE MY SOUL PIECE MERGE WITH HER, I KNEW SHE WAS PANICKED LIKE SHE DIDN'T EXPECT TO BE THERE."

Magnus: "So you're saying she came there by accident somehow..."

Emperor: "YEP."

Magnus: "And what do you plan to do?"

Emperor: "..."

Rogal Dorn: "Father is pausing for dramatic effect agai-"

Emperor: "SHUT UP, ROGAL. MAGNUS."

Magnus: "Yes?"

Emperor: "NEXT TIME YOU MEET HER, COME INTRODUCE YOUR NERDY GIRLFRIEND TO US."

Magnus: "GIRLFRIEND?! "

Magnus becomes enraged.

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