||Chapter Twenty-Seven ||
Coffee AddictionNour had her health back and was ready to go back to her school. She didn't want to stick at home for much longer. Her mother hasn't talked to her yet and maybe she would never do. Nour on the other hand found it relieving to not get in touch with her either. She never understood the reason behind all of this but she gave up. No more searching for her. All she got now were Mariam and Hamza and she would never ask for anything more. If she decided to stay longer in her life it would be for both of them only. The family was a complicated word and its true meaning becomes unclear to her. No one ever mentioned that family came with hatred, mistrust, betrayal, and all other hateful and undesirable words. To her, the family was the most ludicrous and illogical human relationship of all, and she assumed it was as peaceful as snow, but she found it as horrendous as fire and everything attached to it was eroded unhurriedly until it evaporated. Someone must have opened her eyes and broadened her comprehension and her insight more than this.
She unplugged the headphones from her ears when she stood in front of Mr. Gilbert's office. She hesitated a while to knock or not or to ever make a move. To her, Mr. Gilbert was nothing more than a pervert and a big asshole for what he did. Her guts wanted to make her believe what Hamza retailed her but something was making her accuse Hamza of lying. Hamza lost his temper a lot, what if he exaggerated? It would be normal to test herself and she promised herself to take care and be cautious if something bad happened. She stood still and knocked three-time followed by his pale tone to come in" Come on in, Nour. "
Nour was afraid to look him in the eyes and she spoke averting her face to her school work but was close enough to hear her tiny whisper. Her voice was so low that he bent down to hear her clearly. "I've just wanted to ask about something. "
"Yeah sure, let me see. " He stood up and came so near to her that their shoulders touched. Nour felt a shrivel in her body and stepped her foot back. What was going on? Was he harassing her?
" Do you mean this question?" He sensed her tension and didn't make a move but instead, he placed his hand upon hers as if he wanted to hold the papers while scattering random looks on Nour's covered body. Her clothes were wide and her hair was taken care of well below her hijab. What were those useless and shameless looks for? Nour couldn't handle it and her eyes became watery welcoming for tears to come out but she quickly grabbed herself together and insulted herself internally for doubting Hamza's confession and letting her experience his dirty attitudes physically and literally by herself.
" You know what? I figured it out. I forgot that I have the guide answer. Thank you, Mr. Gilbert. Bye. " She snatched her papers from his hand and rushed quickly towards the door while not giving a look back and slammed the door behind her. She sighed because her voice was about to break in front of him. At that exact time, her tears were set free to roll down her cheeks, and then she started insulting herself for her stupid ideas. She was following the most foolish idea she ever had.
" People always warn me and I don't listen..... This person is bad don't get in touch with him and I am the douchebag who says I must make sure by myself, maybe he is a good man. Pity me!! "She was scolding herself a lot and remembered Sarah.
" Poor girl." She surely didn't deserve this. It must have been worse for her. No girl wanted to be in that position! May Allah grant her his forgiveness. Alhamdulillah!.
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.Was the room moving or it was just hallucinations? That was the first thing that came to Mariam's mind when she felt her head bombing. The pain was intolerable and unbearable. She was holding her head hard as if she was trying to control the party that was happening in her head. She whined internally because she did not want to grasp the attention. She whispered to herself that she would be okay until she felt her heart beating accelerating and right on the spot she jumped off her bed and ran to Carla with teary eyes begging for help that Carla couldn't offer as she didn't know what was going on with her. She seemed fine to her earlier, but the situation was not reassuring. Mariam was clutching Carla's shoulder with both her hand making her whimper in pain and then quickly buried Mariam in her arms while caressing her hair. Carla was scared and didn't know what to do she remained silent with her widened eyes and her fearful expression until Mariam let out her words that were locked in because of the suffering she was living inside followed by sobs and whines.
" Carla, I am not feeling okay. I feel that my throat is very dry........I can't talk and........... I sweat a lot.............headaches feast on my brain. What is happening to me?" She cried out at her last word while breaking the hug and looking at Carla who was studying her face in desperation and despair yearning that she could do something to help her.
" Maybe you drained yourself. Go get some rest." Carla said trying to alleviate her but followed by weeping interrupted by "I can't.....I can't."
"Mariam, calm down!! Let me just... Oh my. Your skin is burning." Carla was in an actual sudden. She seemed to lose her words." No, that can't be true. Mariam did you...?" She quickly opened Mariam's eyes wide open while leaning on her and Mariam was following what she was doing tight-lipped trying to curb her discomfort for a while until Carla could know what was wrong with her friend.
" Did I what? Carla, I don't understand. Tell me." Mariam pulled her hand away waiting for an answer but Carla was suddenly unaware of hurtful Mariam and started babbling to herself completely neglecting Mariam who was drenched in her pain." No, no, no, the symptoms are the same. I have to make an urgent phone call now." And then she departed her abandoning Mariam on the floor and passed into her room.
" Fine. I can't stay like that. I will have some air to help me relax and....and for your information, I am not seeking a doctor. It's probably flu and it will go away sooner or later." Mariam was still clasping her head firmly while speaking her lungs to make sure Carla heard and then went out alone.
Walking down the road having no end was Mariam's destination. She wished she could know why every trouble seek her. Only her! Was it because she ran away? Did all that happen to her because she wanted to accept herself as she was? She didn't know anything anymore. She rolled down leaning on the wall bending her legs letting her chin rest on her knees crying her guts while holding her head hopelessly.
After about ten minutes, there was Jeff in front of her holding a cup of coffee and giving it to her. She perked up and then leaned back shocked by his presence scanning him from head to toe while her tears were visible to him. Why did he show up from nowhere?
"Here, you can take it. It will help you get better." She snatched the cup without further thinking. She wished it could settle her unfortunate inner self a little bit. She engulfed the whole cup not minding the sense of heat that scorched the tip of her tongue. She felt a relieving sensation, one that she yearned for. At that moment, that cup of coffee was her ultimate pleasure and an absolute delight. Jeff to her was nearly a savior but one needed to take care of the devil's snare. He might offer you precious diamonds but you figured out later it was nothing but a lump of coal. On mentioning his name she looked for him to thank him but he was nowhere around as if the ground engulfed him literally.
She sighed, feeling the comfort that flooded her body right now. She finally found peace once again. That cup was indeed a pleasure and she never tasted a coffee as luscious as the one she's just had.
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.Mariam let out her keys to twist the knop of her door to open it while yelling because she noticed that her roommate was not in the reception." Carla, I am home and thanks God, I feel perfectly fine."
Carla cracked open her door once hearing her voice and then looked into her eyes desperately with a tear rolling down her cheeks and a hand covering her mouth to prevent her sobs from coming out then burst a couple of words that made Mariama stunned in her place. "You're a drug addict!"
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Desperate Soul
SpiritualShe didn't ask for money or wealth or even a well known position! She asked for a family who cares for her, appreciates her hard work and loves her. He didn't ask for anything except revenge from his past and he didn't find anyone to act the role...