unfamiliar feelings ~ Asuka x Shiroi (oc's)

{1}

TW: thoughts of suicide

Is this going to end all of this pain? Will this finally make my bullies happy? But I don't want them to be happy, I want them to suffer as much as I did, I want them to go through what I did. Why did I have to be the victim. What did I do to deserve this. No one likes me, no one wants to be friends with me, no one cares about me. I've tried talking to my classmates but most of them forget about me a day later, it's like they really don't know me yet we've been in a class for 2 years.

Thats what I question myself everyday.

As I stood at the railing on my school rooftop, I thought about life and questioned myself why it's so unfair. The cold, breezing wind hit my face as I took long breaths.

Should I really do this? I mean if I do...it might make everyone happy but do I want that? Not really. They don't deserve that.

I didn't know what to do anymore. Everything was getting harder and I had no motivation to do anything anymore. School was getting boring yet stressing at the same time due to my bullies. I want to end this yet I'm scared. Deep down I know I want to have my dream future but will I ever actually archive it?

Now that I think about it, jumping off a school building because of some stupid bullies won't fix anything. It won't fix all the pain they gave me, or won't fix my happiness since I won't be here anymore and it won't fix their bullying problem. They might stop but what if they dont? How will that be fixed? Im so unsure about everything right now, its so overwhelming and I dont know what to do. Why does this always happen. 

I can't believe I've been keeping up with those people for years without defending myself. I'm stronger than this yet it's hard to say anything when you're just frozen like a stone. I can't even look at them in their eyes, how will I ever speak up for myself? I cant, it just feels impossible.

As I grabbed my phone from my pockets in my jacket, a bracelet I made in Kindergarten was flung on the other side of the railing.

"Oh shoot.." I said before thinking of a plan to get it back. The railings holes were too small for my hands...maybe I could climb it up and grab it from the other side? It's dangerous but what else do I have to else at this point.

I put my foot in one of the holes and try climbing up the railing, it hurts but that bracelet means a lot, I can't lose it like that.

I was too focused on climbing that I didn't hear a door opening that led to the rooftop.

"WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" A voice yelled from behind, I almost slipped after trying to turn around but someone grabbed me before I could and we both fell on the stone hard floor.

"Ow...l-let me go!" I said and removed the arms from my body. I tried standing up but hurt my leg after falling down so I was struggling.

"H-hey! Ugh..ouch what were you just doing now?.." I looked down to see a grey haired girl with dark blue eyes on the floor. Or to be more specific, THE girl who humiliated me infront of the whole school.

"None of your business." I answered harshly and took my stuff before trying to escape.

"Hey! Stop where are you going?" She kept nagging me with questions. I tried to ignore them, what just happened was embarrassing. I bet she's gonna make fun of me for this now.

"Let me help you with that." The girl said and took my bag.
"Your leg looks pretty rough, I can carry you if you want?" She offered and I considered it for a moment before declining.
"Are you Sure? It would be no problem at all." She kept insisting so I gave up and agreed. If I hadn't she would've never shut up.

I was surprised that she didn't ask what I was doing while carrying me down and instead tried to cheer me up. I must admit, some of her jokes were kinda funny but I tried showing no emotions at all, after all I hate her.

I hate Shiroi Tanaka..

..or atleast I think so.

Like I already said before my story will probably have a lot of grammar mistakes and stuff like that...if you notice any, feel free to point them out but don't be mean about it thanks