OREGON BROTHERS 1: Exil Johhans - LOSE MY LOVE

KABANATA 28

I don't believe in gut's says, for me it's jus a superstition of every woman in the world.

Kung sa bokabularyo naming kalalakihan ay tamang hinala. Women always says that 'feeling ko ganito, ganyan' that their gut's is telling something that they should take it seriously because their gut's never disappoint and it is the truth.

Right now I have this feeling that something big will happen, something unexpected will come out and will shock me to the core.

I am a man, and I do believe in 'to see is to believe' but my guts says otherwise, It was as if telling me that I need to get out of my fucking house and do our grocery alone. Shit, mamamalengke lang ganito pa ang pakiramdam ko.

Hindi naman ako kinakabahan, I was just curious about this building emotion in my chest. It's making my heart beat rapidly.

Fuck this guts, now I understand why most women used to overthink about something or someone because when their guts kick in you will not able to stop your mind from running into so many ideas. Thinking of what, why, who and when.

Just like me right now, I can't stop my mind from running. Why I do feel this way? What the hell is important in the grocery? When should I go and get our grocery? Will I met or see someone?

Fuck!!

"Papa!?" I was pulled from my reverie because of my son's voice.

I look at the door of my room and waited for Helios to come in. A moment later he's now standing in front of me, wearing his terno pyjamas and a tiger slippers.

"What is it buddy?" He crawled up to my bed and lay beside me.

"I just woke up... I have a dream." He sob that made me look at his face that now rested in my armpit.

"What about it buddy? Why are you crying?" Nag-aalalang tanong ko lalo na ng maramdaman kong nabasa ang hubad kong pang-itaas na katawan.

"I dreamed about mama, she was carrying a baby... I said I don't want a baby sister papa! Bakit may baby siya?" He cried.

Kahit na panaginip lang iyon ay parang kinurot ang puso ko sa narinig, hindi dahil nasasaktan ang anak namin kundi dahil sa may iba itong anak. Funny to think that I am in a verge of crying because my wife has a baby in my son's dream.

Sabihin na nating panaginip ito, pero paano kung totoo? Did she really cheated on me? Damn, Johanss she really did! Noong mas pinili niyang sumama sa ibang lalaki, indikasyon na iyon ng pagtataksil.

When we were young, I already know that I have a crush on her. Hindi ko lang maamin dahil limang taon ang tanda ko sa kanya, when I turned eighteen my family fly back to greece. Twelve years being apart from her, I never tried to court someone, I never dated someone, I never lay my eyes on some girls who's not her, I never love someone because at my early age I am already aware that I belong to her.

Those twelve years without communication is like hell for me. I always miss her, but I can't go back to the Philippines just to see her. We need to grow separately so that when we meet again we are ready to be with each other.

I remember before, she always makes me feel that I am special to her, that she likes me more than her so called older brother.

But despite of making ourselves feel that we are special to each other, she can easily find someone to love. I can't say that it's unfortunate for me because I stayed loyal all those years, up until now. I am so faithful to her even though she already choose someone who's not me.

"It's just a dream Helios, beside having a baby sister is great. You will be a good brother when it happen." I reassuringly said.

He looked at me with his teary eyes. But there's wonder in his deep orbs.