𝐍𝐚𝐢𝐯𝐞 | 𝐃.𝐌, 𝐓.𝐍

025 - sᴄʀᴇᴀᴍɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs

𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐚 𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐲

—

Taking care of yourself is more important. Always.

—

I think I've hit my breaking point. My body feels so weak, I am sure if you were to flick your finger at my arm, the bone would snap in half.

I got maybe an hour of sleep last night, none the night before. I'm back in the training room, conjuring up another smoking and floating  figure, one that can throw curses and block them. It's not at more than a beginner level, which is where I really realized that I was too.

I lose to this dummy sometimes— and he can only throw and block so many curses.

It's currently six o'clock in the morning. I realized around four last night that I wasn't going to get any more sleep so I came in here, to practice some more.

I cant remember the last proper meal I had either. Draco keeps trying to shove food down my throat, even snuck a sustenance potion in one of my drinks. Sneaky bastard.

I cant think about food now. No way. If anything I'll stock up on the potions and just take those, so I can train more.

What Bella said was completely true. How am I ever going to do good in life if I don't want it? I was going to be good at dueling. I was going to learn Occlumency, and I was going to love it. Even if it kills me.

—
𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐨𝐲

She's doing it again. She's training. I can admit that we both haven't been sleeping well, but I can't tell just how much she isn't sleeping when she won't talk to me. I wonder how many nights she stays awake to train.

She won't eat either. Everytime my mother calls her down for breakfast or dinner, either she doesn't respond or she declines and goes back to training. I've been sneaking sustenance potions in all of her drinks. I think she's catching on a little bit.

I rub my eyes and continue walking down the corridor to the training room. I could hear her grunt as she continued to work. 

As I got closer I heard her go quiet for a minute, then I heard her shrieking. Immediately I push open the door to see her on the floor, her body convulsing with tremors as I rush over to her.

"Hey, Cora you're okay." I say, attempting to put one my hands behind her head, the other under her thighs to pick her up. She immediately shook her head and pushed her hand against my chest, pushing me away.

"No. I'm— I'm fine, Draco. Why aren't you sleeping? Go away." She insisted, getting up to her feet. She was still catching her breath as she wiped her tears off of her cheeks, her hands still shaking slightly.

I stood up to her level to really get a good look at her. She's getting so pale. It's mid August and she looks like a ghost. Her wrists are tiny and her dark circles are the only colorful thing on her face, them being a dark purple, slightly red from crying and wiping them.

"You're not fine, Cora.  We are going to have to do whatever He wants us to do together, and you know it. So stop fighting me off and trying to convince me that you're okay when we both know you're not! Let me help you." I pleaded.

A fresh layer of tears gloss over her eyes, pooling over onto her cheeks as she finally gives in. "I can't do it, Draco. I'm not strong enough. I'm so weak." She whimpers as I inch closer to her. Her head has fallen to look at the ground as she starts crying, wrapping her arms around herself.

Her legs give out just as I get my arms around her waist, collapsing into my chest. Her sobs shake the walls of the room, echoing all around us.

I regret doing it but I slip into her mind for a moment, attempting to see what's truly going on in there.

What I saw was a mess.

It was so loud. Not a single thought was able to complete itself before another internal insult threw itself out, interrupting the one before it. They were screaming at her.

You're so weak!

You're worthless!

Leave him alone!

You don't deserve him!

You're hopeless!

You can't do anything right!

You'd be better off dead!

I tried so hard to keep calm, but even my heart was pounding after hearing that. It almost felt as if she was screaming them to me, even though they were directed toward herself.

"Cora, let's go get something to eat, eh?" I attempted to soothe her, my hands running up and down her back. Her cries of agony had turned into deep breaths, still a bit shaky. She tried to breathe through her blocked up nose, but failed and just breathed through her mouth.

"I'm not hungry." She croaked into my neck. I scoffed a form of a chuckle, already having guessed that's what she would say.

"I don't care. Cmon, let's go get some soup. Mum made your favorite for dinner last night. The warming charm is still on it."

—

While eating in silence, I could feel Cora's hesitance. I know she was still upset with me. What I had said to her while dueling was so wrong. I can't even wrap my head around what I had said. I had called her weak.

It was like I wasn't even in control of what I was saying. It felt like a dark haze was glossed over my eyes, and my blood had turned black inside my veins. I felt out of control of my actions. It terrified me.

"I hate you." She sighed out, dropping the spoon onto the side of her bowl where her soup resided. She still hadn't eaten much of it.

"I get that. I am really sorry for what I said—"

"—I should be training right now." She interrupted me. It's like she wasn't even present in the conversation, just merely letting out her words for anyone in the room to hear. "I know you, you sneaky arsehole. You've been sneaking potions in my drinks thinking I wouldn't find out. Well guess what? You only helped my case. Now I can spend more time training instead of wasting time eating or sleeping. I'll bet you didn't expect that one." She snarled out. I let her go out on her tangent, getting out whatever she needed to say.

"I get you're upset with me." I tried again to apologize. I grabbed her hands and intertwined them with mine. She was trying to avoid eye contact. "There's no excuse for what I said; and I swear if you ever say something rude to me, I promise that I will stick by your side, no matter what you say. I know how hard you're stressing right now."

She side-eyed me. She knew that deal was impossible to pass up. "You're a bitch, just so you know."

I chuckled, pulling up from her seat. "Yes, I know. Let's go take a nap. C'mon."