𝐍𝐚𝐢𝐯𝐞 | 𝐃.𝐌, 𝐓.𝐍

024 - ᴛʀᴀɪɴɪɴɢ

( a portion of this chapter is inspired by the famous book Core by @oatmealdad )

(I also wrote this whole chapter in one night are you proud of me hehe)

𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐚 𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐲

—

Weakness is a state of mind.

—

"You're not trying!"

I shrieked out another sob as I laid on the floor, crying up at Bellatrix's face, her stringy hair whisking against my face, tickling my cheek and getting it wet with my tears.

"You're a waste!" She yelled, grabbing me my jumper collar and hauling me to my feet. She shushed me, turning my shoulders to face Draco, who was standing at the opposite side of the room.

He looks so uneasy, as he's just thrown three different hexes and curses at me, the names of them I don't know as I didn't research last night like I was supposed to. It appears Draco did.

It's the middle of July and the death eaters have lived in the manor for a little over a month now. The summer just keeps getting darker and darker- literally. There's a constant cover of clouds over the Manor. I haven't seen the sun in weeks.

This weeks torture, is to duel. Draco and I have been trying to learn Occlumency, but every time Bellatrix dips into either of our minds we both chicken out and call it quits. I can tell she's losing her patience. They still also wont tell us what we're training for. What we are learning all this for. I suppose it's not too awful, since Umbridge didn't teach us shit last year. Still though, it sucks to be left in the dark like we are.

Draco's also changed within these past couple weeks. He seems colder. He hardly ever eats anymore, and when we sleep in each other's rooms I can hear his cries, even though I pretend to be asleep. The one time I tried to console him, he immediately pushed me away and kicked me out of his room, then came to me crying and apologizing for doing that.

I don't know what's going on with him anymore.

Bellatrix continues to scream, bringing me back to my horrid reality. "Stop crying, little girl! Fight back! Defend yourself! Use an unforgivable if you must, but for Salazars sake, stop disappointing me!" I listened to her as I tried to calm my breathing, my muscles burning with every move.

"Go!" Bellatrix bellows. She stood in between us and off to the side, staring at us with such boredom it looks like she could fall asleep. I wonder if she gets any sleep at night. I know I certainly don't.

I took a deep breath, attempting to predict what Draco's next move was. For the most part he was predictable with what spells he was going to use, but with my stupidity and his lack of needing to remind me things, I have no idea what curses he has in his mind.

Instead of focusing on his next move, I threw out the next curse that popped into my head, seemingly at the same time as he was saying one.

"Crucio—!"

"—Imperio!"

Our spells flew together in a stream of electricity, shocks forming a line, colliding in the middle. He was strong, I'll give him that. However, I tried and tried and tried to channel every ounce of energy I had into this curse, pushing it and projecting it out into my palms, into my wand.

I didn't want to do it. Why would I want to curse Draco? Nevertheless, I strived to persevere, to persist, but I could even feel my feet being pushed back by the amount of energy he was pushing into me.

My ears started to ring, and my muscles convulsed and shook. The energy squeezed through my wand, almost cracking it in two, until I could feel the tips of my fingers vibrate with his power.

I finally dropped my wand, against my own will might I add, and stumbled over my feet, back onto the hardwood floor beneath me. At least he backed off too, and I wasn't under the Imperius curse.

I steadied my breaths, or tried to at least, and for the most part just laid limp on the floor. I heard deep footsteps approach me. Draco's figure came into my view, chuckling above me.

"She's right. You are weak. You're never going to be able to defend yourself. Surprised you're not already dead." His words held so much venom, I am shocked that they're coming out of his mouth. He looked at me with no remorse, and I couldn't do anything but lay there as he walked away. What?

Once again, I was hauled to my feet by Bellatrix, only she looked angry. She peered right into my eyes, her own wide and unclosing. "You have failed every single duel you two have performed." She spoke slowly and quietly. "What do I have to do to get you to show me something? There is no way you are that weak!" Her eyes nor her voice faltered once, continuing to stare me down. "You are feeling too much. About the wrong things. You are spending your time caring about other things, when you should be skipping meal times to practice. Do you understand? You are never going to win, if you don't want it. What do I have to do, for you to want it?! You filthy child!" She finishes her speech with a spit to my face. I watched her turn on her heel, and listened to her footsteps fade.

I stood there unmoving. I couldn't move. How could I move, after hearing Bella tell me that? I simply stood there and felt her saliva running down my cheek, soaking in what she had to say.

She was telling me the truth.

I am weak. I stress eat, which in turn has caused me to skip training to eat, or skip training because I was too nauseous because I ate too much. I wasn't sleeping well either, but instead of attempting to train, I stayed up reading fantasy books.

Stupid, foolish girl.

I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be weak. I want to be strong. I will be strong. No more fucking around, Cora.

I'm not gonna be known as weak anymore.

—

"I'm trying to apologize to you here." Draco waved his hands over my face, though I couldn't be bother to look up at him. I've been reading for over an hour on defense spells, and new and improved curses and hexes I could possibly use. I've been sitting at the windowsill in the library, one of the places that most of the death eaters don't bother going.

"Well, Draco. I don't really give a shit on what you have to say. It's whatever." I said back to him, in quite a montone voice, which I'm proud of. Good job, Cora.

"But it's not whatever. I shouldn't have said those things to you. I'm just stressed and I'm trying to apologize so will you please just look at me!" He shouts, nudging my shoulder.

I look up from my book to the wall in front of my, contemplating on if I should even say that words I want to. Fuck it.

I stand up to face him, slamming my book shut and throwing it down where I was sitting at. "Well you clearly meant it, Draco. You meant the words you said to me, or else you wouldn't have said them at all." I say to him, pointing a finger to his chest. "So don't come in here and act all apologetic as if you even care. Just leave me alone from now on, yeah? I'll see you in training." I make a move to walk past him.

"You're not coming to dinner? I won't see you at dinner?" He shouts behind me.

I tell out a "No!" before leaving the library, slamming the door in the process.