•♡Should I stay or should I go?♡• Byler

Fifteen

        TW: Suicidal thoughts and SH

   

      Eddie walked alongside the group. It was awkward.

          They seemed to know a lot of stuff. Especially about the place which they called "The Upside Down".

            "Why is it called The Upside Down. Are we backwards or something?" Eddie touched his hair to see if it was going up from the gravity. Nothing.

           "Its a backwards world from ours. Or at least thats how El explained it." Dustin touched the black dirt under their feet. "How did you get here, anyways?"

            There was a long silence before Eddie responded. "Chrissy. She, I saw her, float. Up in the air, then her bones just....cracked. All of them. I didnt know what to do, I felt like a coward and then I found this portal and i just...left. Just like that."

           Silence.

      The wind gushed through his hair, leaving him alone with his thoughts again.

      He should have stayed. He could have maybe done something.

      No, you couldn't. But maybe, perhaps.

      He didnt know why he walked with these people. They were probably judging him right now, thinking he's a coward, and a fool.

     Dont worry, I would judge myself as well. He kept on walking, thinking about how horrible he was. 

       His uncle would be ashamed and disappointed. Not even he would believe him.

      As it turns out, perhaps Eddie was a freak after all.

     Will sat alone, with his feelings yet again. 

      El was alive. Lovely.

        Sure, he loved El. And he wanted her to be happy. But why did her happiness have to be Mike? Out of the many people of this world, why him?

        Mike hugged El tightly. Mike never hugged him anymore.

        Its like if they were strangers. Not best friends, not even friends. Like if they were nothing.

       Yet Will remembered: the kiss. The "innocent, friendly" kiss. Totally not a spark at that moment. 

      He realized how Mike didn't acknowledge it. Did he ignore it because he felt something too, or because he was disgusted by the fact that his best friend could possibly love him?

       He also noticed how he treated El like if nothing happened. No kiss, no argument, they didn't exist anymore. Will knew that Mike would never tell El about the kiss.  

       What if El wasn't here? What would happen then? Would him and Mike, maybe have been something more?

       He now hated himself for going home that night. And he hated that Mike went searching for him.

       He hated El for having Mike for herself.

      Suddenly, he felt the weird sensation on his neck again. And he saw it: a blade.

       It was a beautiful knife. And it kept on calling his name.

       Will. Come on, Will. Use me. Kill El. Stab her with this. Then Mike can be yours. Come on Will. Will. Use me. Kill her. Stab her. Kill her. Stab her. Use me. Kill. Come on Will.

      The idea of throwing that knife at El's face seemed tempting. Just a bit of blood, and it was all over. He could probably throw that knife at El's chest, and then she would be gone. Mike would be all his.

      What am I thinking? El is like a sister to me! I cant kill her.

       The temptation soon turned into guilt.

      Im a horrible person. Wishing death on my sister? Im a monster. A mistake. A horrible person. How could I think that?

       Im a disappoinment of a person. Im horrible.

       The knife on his hand, right where it should be.

        The temptaion to cut something and see blood came back, but not for El.

        He looked around, made sure no one was watching. As he suspected, no one was.

          They were all looking at El.

           Oh poor EL. Shes suffered so much. Shes so alone. Poor her. Poor her. Poor her.

          The voices rang in his head. Everyone cares about El but they ignore you.

          All of a sudden, his face scrunched at the feeling of the blade, cutting his wrist. But he liked it.

         It wasnt his first time. Nor his second. Nor his tenth. 

           Two, three. He cut more, tracing over old scars with the blade, and making new ones.

          Four, five. The blood began to stain his skin. He felt hot tears escape his eyes.

           Six, seven, eight. He was a disappointment. A disgrace. No wonder his father hated him. He was ashamed of who he was.

          Nine, ten. It hurt so much. But he wouldnt stop yet.

          Maybe I should just end it here and now. Seems like a good idea.

           No one would care anyways.

            He was nonexistent, a weird person. He was a mistake in this world, where El was like a superhero.

            And he was a fool for thinking that Mike would ever love him.

            El was better than him. And Mike knew that. And it hurt him everyday.

            He was worthless to everyone. So he kept on cutting.

             His sleeves got stained by his own blood. He wanted to keep going. He was going to keep going.

              Will turned around, to see Mike laughing alongside El. She looked better than before. Everyone was having a good time, smiling and laughing.

              And yet here he was, hurting himself. Being a coward.

              You're so overdramatic, such a loser. 

              Blood. The blood dripped down his wrists. Blood. Blood.

              Then he realized. He had just messed up again. 

              Blood. Blood attracted demogorgons. And they were in the upside down.

              Shit.

               He quickly ripped his sleeve, covering the bleeding wounds. He hoped the blood hadn't been exposed for such a long time in order to...

            He ran away, putting the blade in his pocket. For later.

             And now Will Byers felt a guilt in his heart yet again. It would always be his fault.

   
    Hey guys im so sorry for not publishing anything. School has been a wreck and ive been having some family issues as well. But i promise i still have motivation for this story and will continue it.