Raven: An Unexpected Adventure

Three

Raven

Buckland, by the Old Forest

Early September 2958

"I don't think I understand everything that's happening, that Gandalf said. What does it all mean?" Raven demanded as Bilba sighed and sat down on one of the benches. When Bilba patted the seat beside her, Raven silently went to her side "Ma, what did he mean you're pardoned? That it was posthumously? What's going to happen to us now?" Raven blurted; the dam that she had used to keep the questions back over the years finally bursting.

"I don't know yet," Bilba looked at Raven, meeting her gaze unflinchingly. "When I was with the Company, before the battle, I had a chance to try to stop it, to save lives, and I took it. The cost, however, was betraying the trust of the Company, of Thorin in particular, and that's why he exiled me. I took something very precious to him, Raven, a jewel that is called the Arkenstone. It was a family heirloom, you see and I gave it to Thorin's enemy to force him to barter. We never saw each other again after the battle. I stayed long enough to make sure he survived, but he never knew that I was there. I suppose that I assumed he'd think I'd returned to the Shire. I never imagined he'd think I'd died. Still, perhaps that's why he could forgive me at all. If I was alive, if he knew, then I'm not sure." Bilba stroked Raven's hair and she nodded, taking in all of the information that Bilba gave her.

"And Thorin, he's my Da isn't he?" Raven whispered.

"Yes." Bilba nodded. "We were very much in love. Well, at first, I believe he could hardly stand me, but I managed to befriend other members of the Company, including his sister-sons. I proved to him that I was resourceful and brave and eventually he came to hate me less. I was dressed as a boy though, and that also confused our relationship. When he finally discovered that I was female, well, we began to court and, Raven, we intended to be married. I was going to be his Queen Under the Mountain. We spoke of starting a family, but when we finally reclaimed the Mountain, he got sick. That's why he was so unreasonable and why I had to betray him as I did. He had what was called gold sickness. It made him unable to see reason. The dwarf I loved, he wasn't the same and that's also why he exiled me. If he was in his right mind, I truly don't believe he would have done any of it. The Thorin I loved, he put his people first. Always. He loved his kin as well, his sister-sons. You could see how much he loved them, and he would have loved you the same. He always protected me and when we talked about a future he confided to me that he dreamed of having children of his own; of having a daughter." Raven searched Bilba's gaze nervously, looking for confirmation that Bilba was telling her the truth.

"He wanted me?" she whispered, reading the sincerity in Bilba's gaze and feeling her gaze fill with tears. She'd always been afraid that the reason Bilba had left, the reason that she was unhappy and estranged, was because of Raven.

"Yes, Raven, he always wanted you." Bilba gently wiped away Raven's tears.

"Then why did he send you away? If he was as protective as you said," Raven trailed off. "Was it the sickness?" she whispered.

"It was the gold sickness, but Thorin, he also didn't know that I was pregnant." Raven jerked in surprise. "You see, even I didn't know that I was pregnant the last time that I saw Thorin. It was only after the Battle, an elven healer told me that I was with child and I departed, determined to raise you here, in the Shire, where you'd be safe and happy. I wanted you to be raised in Bag End, Raven, with seven meals a day and everything that you could want for at your fingertips. I thought it would be peaceful and safe, but I'm afraid instead I've only ever failed you." Bilba said sadly. "After the gold sickness and the battle, I was always too afraid to make inquiries after Thorin's well-being. Perhaps, if I had, then you would have been raised differently, in a happier home, not wanting for anything the way that you have."