Raven: An Unexpected Adventure

Sixteen

Thorin

Buckland, by the Old Forest

Early November 2958

He watched as Bilba fled up the hill back into the smial. It was all he could do to watch her retreat. Thorin felt as though he was trapped in a state of shock. He had longed to see her. For decades, he had despaired at the prospect of ever seeing her again. Moments ago, however, she had stood in front of him in the flesh. He had felt the warmth of her body, had yearned to reach out and run his fingers through her hair, but he hadn't. Why, he berated himself, why didn't I fall to my knees in front of her and beg. She asked for an apology. That was it. A simple verbal apology Why couldn't I just give it to her? Thorin looked back up the hill, watching as she disappeared inside of the smial. He knew why he hadn't, because it's not the dwarrow way to just say "sorry". Still, she was slipping through his fingers in front of his very eyes, and he felt unable to stop it.

"Well that was nicely done." Kíli spat. Thorin looked over to both of his nephews, torn between helplessness and anger. Fíli at least looked equally shamed and confused. Bilba had lashed out at them, and though she had every right to do so, it was still a surprise. Kíli had always hated what had happened with Bilba. His youngest nephew always blamed Thorin for what had transpired. This latest scene was simply making matters worse.

"I only wanted to do what is best for Raven." Fíli said hollowly.

"And what about what's best for Bilba? Raven won't be happy unless Bilba is happy. You have to know that, Fí. You've come into her life for a matter of seconds in comparison. She's not going to leave Bilba. Come now, Fí, you of all people should know the importance of family." Kíli said flatly and then he turned on his heel heading towards where his she-elf waited. Thorin scowled. If an elf and a dwarf can love each other, can overcome age-long prejudices then, why can't my hobbit and I be happy?

"What did you say to her to make her fly into such a rage?" Fíli turned back on Thorin once Kíli was gone.

"Nothing!" he snapped irritably, feeling that the day had become unbearably long. He had not been officially introduced to his daughter and yet she was already running from him. Perhaps, he admitted to himself, it isn't Bilba who is the unfit parent, but me.

"Well, clearly you said something." Fíli protested hotly.

"Where are the hobbits she spoke of?" Thorin demanded, changing the subject. "And, what happened to Raven? I was told that she was in a fight." his daughter's name still felt foreign on his tongue, but he liked the way that it felt to say it.

"She was attacked. Hobbits thought that they could beat and rape her because of Bilba's status." Fíli's jaw locked, his words tense and Thorin could feel the anger rippling off of his nephew.

"Bilba's status, the elf said that she had been shunned, but please Fíli, what does that mean? They're hobbits. They're not warriors, they're cheerful and loving. Why would they hurt her or Raven? Why would Bilba give up her home? She always talked about returning to it. I didn't imagine that they would be living this far from the others. It would be incredibly difficult here to get groceries and it's not safe either. What did Bilba even mean by not having enough money or food?" Thorin eyed his surroundings a second time. The fears that had been plaguing him resurfaced. Have I caused Bilba's misfortune? Was it not exaggeration that she was suffering? Could I have stopped it if I came back to myself sooner? If I realized that she was there in the battle and acted on it?

Bilba had seemed thin, so was Raven, he realized as he thought about it. The years had been hard on them both, but he didn't understand why. Or, perhaps it was that he was afraid of the answers, of the truth. He was the cause. When Thorin had heard that Bilba was alive and with their daughter he had imagined them living in Bag End. It wasn't until he had arrived and seen the conditions that she lived in that it struck him. All this time, Bilba had been alone. His Bilba had been fighting to survive. He had endured poverty before, but he always had the support of his community. He had never been close to starving. Not really. Bilba, however, had been alone. She and Raven, had been cast out, left to fight for their survival without any support.