Alleviate |billie eilish|

28. why?

TW:
Mentions of suicide

Billie's pov--->

"What the hell did you do" Finneas raised his voice. Its not like him at all to do that. I stay silent. "She told me what she saw billie" His voice softens.

"It was aurora" I tell him. "She wouldn't leave me alone so I told her she could stay in the room. I heard max yell she was home and I was going to get up but" I stopped my sentence.

"but what bil. You shattered her heart and I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to you" his words pierced my soul.

What a lovely fucking birthday.

"But aurora grabbed my arms then kissed me. That's when max opened the door. I couldn't get out of her fucking grip" I bawl up my fist and clench my jaw. "I knew she heard max too" I stare off looking at the hospital floor.

"Is that what happened" I looked up at him, he didn't by it. I stood up and got into his face.

"Why in the hell would I kiss her sister if I am in love with her!" I scream while keeping contact. My knuckles are as white as humanly possible and my teeth feel like there going to burst the way my jaw is clenched.

A smile forms on his lips. What the hell?

"that's all I needed to know" he got up then walked into Max's room. I hear some talking but can't figure it out. It's just to muffled to comprehend. He walked out after a while looking down at me. I sat in the same chair I have sat at the last 24 hours.

"She wants to see you" He squeezes my shoulder a little then pats it.

"you're joking"

"I'm not go see her" I put on the first smile I have had on since she kicked me out of her house. I ran into the room like it was the last time she was going to be alive.

"Billie" Her voice echoed. "close the door" I look back at the wide open door then closed it. "I heard what you said" She was looking out of the window. I walked closer sitting in the chair a little ways away from her.

"you did?" She turns her head towards me. Her green eyes look dull, sad, and empty.

"Yeah finneas recorded the whole conversation" I rub my eye getting the tears away.

"how are you feeling" I sit back in the chair, chewing on the inside of my cheek. She looks back out the window then answers.

"Empty, depressed, stings a little, how about you" She pointed at her wrist that was covered in bandages. I sucked my lip in, feeling the heat on the tip of my nose. I wanted to cry, scream, ball my eyes out. I did this to her.

"I'm fine"

"so it was aurora" She sets her head on the pillow.

"yeah you heard what happened because of finneas" I scratch the side of my head.

"Okay" She turns her head back looking at me. "I still want some time alone bil" she sighs. "But I still love you" She admits.

"How? I like destroyed your whole heart" my leg starts to shake thinking about it.

"because I'm in love with you too" She smiles a little. My cheeks flush at the sentence.

"can I ask you"

"always, and get closer I can't keep talking to you if you're across the room" I laugh scooting the chair next to her bed.

"Finneas told me about your" I look down at her wrist. "Suicide attempt." I see her swallow hard. "why did you do it"

"because you look so hurt when I yelled at you but my heart shattered, I felt like, you didn't need me anymore and that my presence in this world is no longer needed," she start.

"Please max, don't ever do it again" I felt my lip quiver. She nods then closes her eyes.

"I thought if I can't have this life, I could continue another life with mom" She stays calm talking about it. I set my head down on the side of the bed letting a tear slowly drop. "And you tell yourself your fine?" I felt her stare in the back of my head.

I nod again.

"you look a little thin, don't try to starve yourself because of me" I look up at her.

"Am I the problem?" I look up at her, with my glossed over eyes. She furrows her eye brows.

"Your not a problem at all billie" she puts her hands on my cheeks.

"you just almost killed yourself because of me" I looked in her eyes. She scooted over and patted the side of her small bed.

"sit" I crawl into the hospital bed waiting for her to talk. "You are not a problem at all, you've helped me through my fucking hell. With my parents to literally everything. So don't say you're a problem when you make everything go away" She stares into my tired, sad, red eyes.

I kiss her instantly and when she didn't pull away but got deeper into it my heart felt a little full again.

"You better not hurt her, or this old kid will knock some sense into ya" Max's grandmother warned me

"I would never. I told you I'd do anything for this girl and I mean it. If I ever do something to her I'm going to feel like my whole world drowned and it will just be horrible" I told her grandma.

. . .

"billie" I got shook awake. I opened my eyes seeing a doctor in the room. I give them a smile then hop off sitting in a chair. It was the first sleep I've had for a day or two.

"You will released today" The doctor explained. "you'll have to come back in two week to get the staples out" he wrote in his notebook while I watched same. That's when my phone buzzed.

Big bro
We r coming with food
Taco bell?

Me
Yes

Big bro
We'll be thr in 10
Read

The doctor walked out then i went back to max.

"ready to leave?" She sat up stretching her back.

"Duh" I reached my arms out to help her step out of the bed. She grabbed my hands getting off of it.

"finneas brought some clothes of mine because he said he couldn't find yours and because I haven't left" I laughed.

"no wonder you smell like ass crack" my jaw dropped. I smacked my lips together not saying any thing. "Thank you though" She finally said.

"Anything for you" I saw her sly little smile. "And I'm totally going to get yelled at by my mama" I laughed. She laughed too then we walked around the room a little to stretch our legs. There was a knock at the door which was finneas.

He walked in with burritos and something else.

"finally! Some fucking real food" Max ran to the bag snatching it. We all laughed at her when she dug into a burrito.

Finneas stood next to me leaning down to eye level. "are you guys good again"

"for the most part I think" I watch her eat a burrito. Its making my mouth water a little.

"Glad to hear it" He pats my back like he did yesterday. "happy late birthday bil" I gave a small smile remembering that.

"great 18th birthday" I sarcastically told him. He lets a half smile form. "Alright let max change then we can go" I make finneas get out.

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