After about a week .
It was time for Paxton's funeral ..
Shay came with me too comfort me if i ended up crying
I sat next to Paxton's mom .
After half of the ceremony , I was called up their to give a speech .
I couldn't bare to even stand up their without ending up breaking down in front of everyone .
But I had too .. these will be the last words I will say to Paxton
I know he's watching down on me .. I can feel it
I stood up their and look at everyone .. So sad
I took the note that I was going to read
Dear Paxton ,
After your mom told me you killed yourself I broke down . I ended up doing something really stupid .. Why . That's the only thing I can ask my self why . Why didn't you talk to me .. We could've worked things out .. Then this wouldn't of happened . This is all my fault I shouldn't of said what I said . I can't do this , I wish you were still here . Everyone is going to miss you .. The way you always played around w/ other people just too cheer the up . The way your smile alway lit up a room when it was gloomy . When you would always freak out when I say "I do" whenever you tell me to love you . I'll miss that , the memories we had . ✊🏼 they will always be with me , I miss you like crazy already .. 😞 I wish you didn't leave . You will be missed you were absolutely amazing , but you're somewhere save now . Somewhere were you can be happy , and not worry so much about things . I know you'll be watching down on me , your mom , and everyone else . Rest is paradise my love . 🙏🏼😔❤️
I started crying after I finished reading that
After everything was over with , me Shay and Paxton's mom went out to get coffee
We sat their I'm silence . No words nothing .. It was peaceful .
Things are going to be hard now that he left , but I'll survive
I left after about an 1 hour
I came home and laid down , I slept all day because I wanted to get things off my mind
I got at least 5 messages from Chandler but I didn't answer them
I just wanted to me alone .. After what happened today
Next morning:
I woke up , somehow I managed to get out of bed .
I checked my phone ,
I finally opened chandlers messages .
Chandler: Hey ❤️
Chandler: Hello ?
Chandler: are you mad at me ?
Chandler: please answer me .
Chandler: so goodnight I guess ..
I didn't answer him , I didn't answer anyone
I just sat in bed and kept thinking ..
Everything's hard now .. And I don't know what to do
