My World In Hers

The heart beats

Certain things in life come back to bite you and sometimes you are not ready.

I arrived home the day feeling kinda sad because I was texting Natasha and she wasn't responding I was not sure if I was blocked or she hadn't yet seen my texts.

I entered the living room to find my mother and Marina. Jerah was sitting down next to Marina and by the looks of things they were discussing something huge because the moment I entered the room fell quiet.

"Can you please sit down Amara I  would like to talk to you." Mom said.

"I'm not in the mood " I replied feeling emotionally drained and physically tired.

"Please it won't be long." She said looking all sad and stuff so I sat down opposite her.

"I called you guys here because I would like to apologise for everything that I have done to you in the past." She said taking me by surprise as anger filled me.

Why now was she apologizing?

She always did this.

Apologising and hurting us again.

It's all a pattern.

"Why now?" Jerah asked taking the question off my mouth.

"I just want to make things right between us and I know it won't be easy but I just want to be a part of your lives again. Like old times."  She said looking down at her hands.

Like old times?

"What exactly are you sorry for? Are you sorry for abandoning me and him when we were five for six years in the streets we grew up alone and fended for ourselves when you left saying you were going to find a job and our father? Or when you finally came back and took us into a broken and abusive home where we would get beaten by dad everyday until I had a coma at age twelve? Or the time you and Dad were fighting then he said he didn't want us anymore he even beat Jerah up until he was unconscious and he drowned me into the pool? Or the countless times you said you were sorry only to go back to drugs and use us to pay back your debts of all the drugs you ate but couldn't afford?" I asked anger fueling me.

I didn't shed a single tear from all the memories I was remembering. My heart had grown so dark I didn't care anymore.

She kept quiet and Marina gestured to me that I should stop.

I rolled up my hoodie up to my stomach and showed my back to her. It was filled with scars that I won't bother telling you how I got them.

"Will your sorry replace my terrible childhood? Will it remove all of these scars and will it fix my condition? " She looked at me with watery eyes.

"I didn't think so" I said leaving them and going upstairs.

I know you are wondering what I meant by condition.

With my awesome childhood and countless times when I was drowned or stuck  a pillow in my face until I couldn't breathe I developed asthma.

So now I had the amazing possibly that I could die without my inhaler which was one of the things besides the scar along my spine that made dancing a nightmare.

Only Jerah and Trevor knew about my asthma.

Besides family and my dance crew

I had many things that happened to me in my childhood that could last me a lifetime.

To add to all this shit Natasha was angry at me.

Or at least I thought so

My life was such a mess.