Souls in November (Holiday Series #1)

25

"I heard the news from your mom. I'm sorry, Aela."

I do not understand why everyone is upset with me since I am the one who is truly to blame for what happened. I just can't understand them sometimes. I wish I was just dreaming. I wish it was just a bad dream but it wasn't at all. And now, I have to find a way to accept the fact that yesterday is gone forever, and that we are powerless to revise the outcomes of any event that took place on that day.

I smiled at her painfully. "I never felt this heartbroken before."

She sighed sadly and went to hug me. Tumatambay lang kami ngayon dito sa field. Since I don't have the energy to participate in any activities anymore, I decided not to make any plans to do so. It feels as though I was still stuck yesterday. Magang-maga din ang mga mata ko ngayon kaya paniguradong lahat ng taong nakakita sa akin ay alam na umiyak ako.

Buong gabi yata ako umiyak. Even when Razen was sound asleep, I was still quietly bawling my eyes out. Moving on is something that is difficult for me to do. I am certain that it will take me a great deal of time to adjust to what happened to me. Nang malaman rin ng mga magulang ni Razen ay hindi sila nakapagpigil at umiyak. Mas lalo na ang kaniyang ina.

However, in the end they did not blame me despite the fact that they could have. Instead, they comforted me in any manner that they could. My mother has also made the decision to launch a complaint against my father, and therefore, I want the same thing to happen even with his mistress.

"I'm not gonna say that it's all gonna be alright because it will never be." Syd placed her chin on top of my head while caressing my shoulders. "So, instead I want to tell you to be strong. It's gonna be a hard and painful journey for you."

Hindi ko na naman maiwasang maiyak sa kaniyang pahayag. Hiw can I be strong in this time of life? I don't even have the energy to go to school anymore, yet I can't just remain at home and isolate myself there. Marami naghihintay na problema sa akin at kada araw ay nadadagdagan.

Sydney and I ate lunch together because Razen was busy with his college life. Nagkita naman kami kaninang pagpasok pero huli na 'yon. He just informed me yesterday that he will be very busy today, so he asked Sydney to accompany me for today in order to make up for his lack of availability. Hindi ko nga alam kung anong nangyayari sa kaniya pero simula kahapon ay tila'y balisa na ito.

"Ash! Gusto mong ice cream?" Tanong ng isa sa kabatch.

"Hindi. Ibigay ko na lang kay Syd." Turo ko pa sa katabi kong naghihintay na ilahad ng lalaki.

"Huh? Para sa'yo 'to e!" sabi pa niya. "Hindi para sa kaniya."

"Hoy! Kung ayaw mong ibigay sa akin kunin mo na lang! Kainin mo 'yan lahat kahit ang tissue!" matalas na sigaw ni Syd.

"Talaga! Kakainin ko 'to pati tissue! Huwag lang mapunta sa'yo!"

Akala ko ay si Razen lang ang kinakaaway ni Sydney pero lahat pala ng tao. Pero himala lang dahil hindi ako kasali sa listahan niya. Ang ugali niya sa akin ay ibang-iba sa mga tao. Kahit hindi niya pa ito kilala ay sinisigawan niya minsan kapag may ginawa itong hindi kaaya-aya.

"Gagi niya! Hindi talaga binigay!" Inirapan niya pa ang lalaki ng makalayo.

"Bumili ka na lang kasi. Ang yaman mo e." bahagya akong natawa.

(Here!)
I'm still grateful beyond that I can still laughed a bit, even if it's just a bit. It's still good to feel the shortness of happiness I have once in a while. But then I'm also hesitant in laughing now and smiling since I feel like there's always an aftermath for those happiness.