1. In the beginning, The Mayor was elected.
2. And Myassa was without form; and darkness was upon Myassa. And the spirits in The Mayor were voided upon your face, Myassa, and in the Bubbling Brown Spring Waters of the Myassa Hole.
3. And The Mayor said "Turn on the lights" and the lights were turned on.
4. And The Mayor saw the light, that it was good, but too bright, and The Mayor called for the light to be turned off.
5. And The Mayor called the light the office is open and off he called the office is closed. And the light on and off he called his first office hours.
6. And The Mayor said, Let the roof be fixed that the rains shall not cover the floor and let it divide the waters on the floor from the rain.
7. And The Mayor made the floors dry and divided from the rain with the roof which was also above the floor.
8. And The Mayor called the dry floors the Myassa Liquors Bar & Grill/Myassa Town Hall Building and the wet outside he called Myassa. And the evening of the second day he called second day in office.
9. And The Mayor said Let the waters be gathered together in a bucket and used to mop the floors of The Mayor's office suite which shall be then made dry. And it was so.
10. And The Mayor called the dry floor his office. And the gathering together of the dirty water called he to throw it out the window. And The Mayor saw that it was good.
11. And The Mayor said, Let the water bring forth beggar lice and sandspurs which seeds unyieldingly attach themselves unto your good bib overalls. And it was so.
12. And Myassa brought forth beggar lice and sandspurs, and the need to mow the yard. And the yard was paved over for parking after the clear cutting of the trees and The Mayor saw that it was good and parked his car.
13. And it was only The Mayor's third day in office.
14. And The Mayor said Let there be lights in the firmament that keep Myassa awake at night for the portable signs outside Myassa's bedrooms and let the signs be lit for seasons, and for days, and for years.
15. And let the signs be rife with misspellings and misused quotation marks that are lit. And it was so.
16. And The Mayor installed two lights, the greater to be left on 24 hours a day to direct traffic and the lesser to be turned on at night so Batman would see it and know he was one of the called.
17. And The Mayor called for them to be hoisted aloft to the islands in the sky to disrupt the peoples' sleep.
18. And to shine in the day and the night and to divide the dark and the light to do two loads of laundry. And The Mayor saw that it was good. Again.
19. And that was The Mayor's fourth day in office.
20. And The Mayor said Let the Myassa State Endangered Invasive Species Flora and Fauna Preserve and the Myassa National Old Growth Kudzu Forest protect abundantly the moving creature that has life and fowl that may fly above the earth defiling the windshields of Myassa.
21. And the defiled windshields created great wails and every living creature that moved to escape the overly abundant water from the sky were, after their kind, found raiding the garbage cans, and fowl that fly above the earth found fighting with squirrels for their bird feeders.
22. And The Mayor blessed them out, saying Make fruitcake in multi-piles and throw them into the Bubbling Brown Spring Waters of Myassa Crack and bury the fowl in pits under the earth that they may barbeque in the earth.
23. And that was the end of The Mayor's daily fifth, which he kept hidden in his desk.
24. And The Mayor said Let Myassa bring forth the Kind for the living creatures, making cattle into creeping things and the beasts of Myassa grow on the earth to propagate their Kind. And it was so 'cause The Mayor said so.
25. And The Mayor brought forth indigenous beasts of Myassa, the Buttox (Myassa Wide-Bottomed Bison), and the Bumbum (the Wild Hares of Myassa), and the Bootay (Myassa Terrible Tiger Gator), and the Butthoe (Barking Spiders of Myassa), and the Dingla-Beri (Myassa Plumbing Snake), and the Skunkacabras (Skunk Sucker of Myassa), and the gerbils and put them all in a petting zoo. The Mayor saw that it was good.
26. And The Right Honorable Spouse said Let us make man be forced to come to the petting zoo by whining children and the dominion of pussy-whipping spouses, and let us charge admission to every creeping father that creeps the zoo.
27. So The Right Honorable Spouse created pussy-whipped men in The Mayor's own image and The Right Honorable Spouse saw that it was good.
28. And The Right Honorable Spouse blessed the wives to buy fruit, learn to multiply and divide, and have dominion over their cold fishes of husbands, and to be fowl, and make their spouses move crawling upon the earth.
29. And The Mayor said Look, you all have the fruiting seeds of beggar lice and sandspurs which will be unto you as Velcro, except not so easy to pick from your good bib overalls after the mowing of yards.
30. And to every beast of the earth and bird of the sky, wherever there is life, there is Bud. And every green herb shall be called meat substitute at the local vegan co-op.
31. And The Mayor saw what he had made and went home to watch NCAA football on TV. It was very good and it was but his sixth day in office.
YOU ARE READING
THE MYASSA BIBLE
SpirituellesIt seems that everyone has an "English" Bible filled with undecipherable grammar, spelling, activities, and interpretations because it was written in an ancient language starting around 3000-4000 years ago and scribed to be read by people in that an...
