It seems that everyone has an "English" Bible filled with undecipherable grammar, spelling, activities, and interpretations because it was written in an ancient language starting around 3000-4000 years ago and scribed to be read by people in that an...
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1. This is the book of the temptations of The Mayor. In the day The Right Honorable Spouse pussy-whipped The Mayor. With the pussy-whip made she him.
2. Pussy-whipped created she him and called his name Honey, in the day when they were wed.
3. And they were wed thirty years, The Mayor and The Right Honorable Spouse.
4. But unto The Mayor, seemed it as eight hundred and thirty.
5. And then it seemed as nine hundred and thirty.
6. But before he wed, The Mayor had a life and his life had temptations.
7. And The Mayor was tempted by good times and old spirits and young ladies in the days before falling prey to pussy-whip.
8. And in those days before pussy-whip did he rejoice in the temptations of the good times and old spirits and young ladies.
9. And in The Day, fell he unto the good times of old spirits and young ladies, but not without reservations, because he knew of the tribulations of mixing old spirits and young ladies without making reservations.
10. And in his day made he reservations for the end-week but was made to choose.
11. Offering for the end-week was the company of old spirits or his choice between five young ladies, but only one could he choose.
12. And thought he, The Mayor, for not in all his unwed days had he beaten such conundrums.
13. And The Mayor thought he deeply of the consequences of his choices.
14. And when the decision did he make was he asked of his choosing between an end-week of old bottled spirits or one of the five spirited young ladies.
15. And The Mayor took he the fifth.*
*Explanation for non-Merkins: This is loosely based upon the US Constitution and Bill of Rights. The Fifth Amendment recognizes the right to not incriminate one's self in legal proceedings; AKA: "Taking the Fifth". It has become vernacular for ''I won't tell you.'' Also, in The Mayor's youth, there was once a common liquor bottle size containing one-fifth of a US gallon which was called... wait for it... a fifth!
