THE MYASSA BIBLE

GIVE PRAISE UNTO YOUR HEAVENLY REMASTER!

One day, The Mayor was back at Our Lady of Sacred Perpetual Collateral Damage, checking out the girls' school. No, it wasn't anything like that (according to The Mayor). He holds an official capacity at the girls' school. He's the fuzzy mascot for the girls' athletic teams, the Innocent Bystanders. They were playing volleyball against the girls from the Ground Zero Mosque and Jihad Youth Training Center Charter School of Myassa. The Jihadettes were the only team in the Myassa Schoolgirl Conference who had to wear more clothes than the Bystanders. They were in full burka spandex. They looked like shiny silver Barbies according to Hizzonor and covered everything but hid nothing. He doesn't remember the game.

After the game The Mayor and Glutes (The Mayor's nickname for the preacherman) went back to the reliquary room where the Holy Reliquary Beat Box© was on display. At the Rev's gesture the attendant opened the case and handed the relic to The Mayor. It was an ornately sculpted and engraved wooden box covered in gold leaf and gemstones. Its platinum plaque read: "Genuine Holy Remastered Dance Remix of the Blessed Saint Vitus Papal Edition©" As The Mayor tried to pry it open with his pocket knife the attendant gasped and snatched it out of The Mayor's hands. Glutes snatched it from the attendant and ordered 400 Hail Mary's and 250 Our Fathers and an hour's flagellation for breaking his Vow of Silence©. Plus he had to go to bed without his dinner of roasted turnip and rutabaga. That cheered him up a little.

The attendant having fled, Poppa Max Daddy pulled out his own pocketknife and proceeded to try to pry it open. After a ten minutes of failure, he sent for the attendant, gave him a quickie absolution and handed the relic back to him to open. He flipped a little latch on the side and it popped open.

There were three silver disks inside about five inches in diameter with smooth holes in the centers. The attendant was given approval to speak to translate the lettering on top of the shimmering disks. "Soul Legend James Brown and his Fabulous Flames© Special Edition" he said.

As the attendant put the fetishes away, Bishop Bigga-Butz commented that The Mayor looked good in his furry mascot costume. He confided that he also had a fuzzy mascot suit which he liked to wear when he was alone, but he liked company sometimes too. Like right then. The Big Poppa asked The Mayor to put his fuzzy costume back on and come up for a couple of drinks in his suite. The Mayor had to turn him down because The Right Honorable Spouse expected to be taken shoe shopping. "Maybe another time?" Glutes asked.