Humm? (jenlisa romcom gxg)

[5] Sep 12, 2022 - Monday 10:21 [7]

| University

I'm so late, fuck, fuck.

I open the door to the auditorium of my theoretical class. The teacher is not paying attention to me, so I walk in and make my way to my usual spot.

Rosé and Jennie are also there. Rosé at the corner and Jennie beside her, followed by some empty seats.

I quietly slip behind the seats, lowering myself down near Rosé's seat.

"Why are you in the back?"

"To annoy you."

I look at Rosé and pretend to laugh.

"Very funny..."

"We were late as well, and the only free seats were here at the back, and I actually like it here. Happy?"

"No," I stand up and walk behind their row, cautiously moving my leg to the front of the empty seat next to Jennie. I almost stumble as I move forward... for some reason, I decided it was a good idea to try to do that from behind, huh..?

"Morning," Jennie says smiling.

"Ah-good morning," I smile back.

"Ya...!" Rosé says annoyed. Jennie slides as close to her seat as possible, as Rosé protests towards me in front of her.

"... Why I don't get a good morning too?" 

"Good morning, Chipmunk," I say with a teasing tone.

"Keep it now," Rosé says dismissively, ignoring me as she turns her attention back to the class. I smile.

I lower myself, reaching into my backpack. I retrieve my notebook and place it in front of me.

As I open it, Jennie glances at my drawings and chuckles. I turn to her, to demand an explanation, but she changes her attention back to the teacher. Hmm...

...

Being near Jennie, at least, is becoming easier. I'm not gay panicking just by her presence like I used to do. Finally, my brain unlocked sanity... I think, after spending time alone with her and sharing things I rarely do, I'm gradually feeling more comfortable around her. Instead of panic, I now feel... well, still a bit nervous, I won't deny that... but there's also a sense of peace when she's by my side... I feel guilty for thinking this, but... I wish she would stay by my side a little longer than what she does. It could be just her presence... I'm starting to miss it when she's not around.

...

I glance over at Jennie. She's attentively looking at the board.

I'm sorry for these thoughts, Jennie, but... I wouldn't mind if time froze right now... then, I could just admire you without bothering you, right? Why is every detail of you like a work of art that I crave to admire so badly...? Your eyes, brown and dark, so intimidating but yet so soft. I feel like I could drown in them if I stare for too long. They make my chest ache. It is just a soft burden, but enough to prevent me from taking in... all the air my lungs can hold...

I breathe deeply.

Is the little mole on your eye, the way you furrow your eyebrows a bit when you are concentrated, the bone structure that you have in your nose, your cheeks so round, so full, so cute... and... how you curl your li--

I cough with my own thoughts.

Enough art admiration for today.

...

"By the way, we are going to a party this Friday," Rosé says to me.

"Ohh, we are, huh?"

"See, Jennie, she already said she's going." 

Jennie chuckles.

I look at them confused.

"No, I didn't."

"Jennie invited us, so you go."

"What?"

"The guy who is throwing the party is a friend of my boyfriend. I already promised him I would be there, and I barely know anyone yet. Can you guys come too, please?" she looks at me, waiting for my answer.

I don't know what to feel, what to say. Not so long ago, I was here stupidly admiring her... and yes... boyfriend... she has a boyfriend, and she's straight. Wtf am I doing...? But besides all that... she seems... to see me as a friend... which feels... nice... and important to me... I want to be a good one to her, and I suck at it... but it's pretty clear what a friend would do now... I don't want to let her down... but I also don't want to spend more time with her than I need. I don't want to give my heart any more chances to run away and be stupid... be yours... but... maybe go is what I need... to see her with somebody else, safe and happy... I want to deal with the pain before it hurts too much.

I breathe deeply and nod that I'll go.

I can already feel a pressure on my chest building up.

I look away in the direction of the teacher who is speaking.

"Oh, that was easy... I'm so proud of my child," I hear Rosé saying and fake crying.

I take a deep breath in... and then exhale slowly as I let myself sink a little more into my seat. My attention remains fixed on the slides being presented.

I don't know if I'm ready for this reality check...

...

"Bye, guys. I'd like to say it was a pleasure again, but... it was not," Rosé says, and Jennie and I chuckle. 

"... I'm going home, no more classes for me today."

"Yeah, I'm going too," I say and Jennie looks surprised at me.

"You also don't have classes after this?"

"Hm, no..."

Jennie smiles and nods silently.

I. Confused. Yes.

"I'll stay in uni, I already have plans."

"To study?" Rosé asks.

"No."

"Hmm," Rosé teases her.

Jennie chuckles tiredly.

"I wish... okay, okay... bye guys," Jennie says and turns around.

"Bye..." I say as I watch her go in a hurry.