Scandalous Love

36. | Riley

It's been two weeks since I last spoke to James but I still didn't feel any better. I can't believe he betrayed me the way he did by reading through my personal life.

Part of me knows he didn't mean any harm by it. He let the curiosity get the better of him. But at the same time, that's no excuse.

The things I've been through in the past have only ever been shared between myself and Nana. No one else knows and no one else has to know. Emily knows a few things but Nana knows more. She's read my diary. She knows everything.

It was the morning of mine and Axel's celebration party. I didn't want to go. I certainly didn't see the point in going anyway.

I wasn't in the right state of mind. I just wanted to stay in my room, locked up and curled up with my diary. I'm already reliving that one diary entry, I might as well relive all of it from the day Mum died to that last diary entry I wrote before Ezra left my life.

I never wrote another one after that because it took me months to heal from the pain he put me through. Touching that diary would have only brought up all those concealed memories again and I couldn't stand it.

Now that James has had access to it though, I can't help but feel like there's no point in covering it up any longer.

I make my way down to the small studio towards the back of the mansion. No one really came here. It was more of a rehearsal room for Cotillion but we stopped using it a couple of years ago.

This studio used to be mine and Mum's spot. It wasn't anything special. It was just a room, but it was a room full of memories.

Mum taught me my first dance in here. She and I used to dance in here all the time. I remember the odd couple of nights when Dad would join us after wondering what all the racket was. Emily would then enter too and we would play a game of 'ring a ring a roses' until Nana had to come and make sure no one was injured when we all kept falling to the floor with a thud.

Things were okay back then. Everything was okay. I was okay. Em was okay. Our family were okay.

I thought Mum was okay but she wasn't. She was cheating. She was seeing Hunter's Dad in search of an escape. She loved him and she loved Em and I but she was questioning her love for Dad.

I understood the feeling. It was the same way I had originally been questioning my love for Ezra. I thought I loved him. I probably did. But he didn't love me and I'm glad I realised that.

It was Nana who helped me come to the realisation in the first place. She could see I was hurting long before I even realised. I don't know what I would do without her.

I'm pulled out of my ending pose by a pair of arms but it was a set of arms which felt all too familiar. I crawl towards the comfort they were radiating and I'm helped up onto my feet.

My arms wrap around her, placed lightly on her back whilst hers did the same to me and our forehead rest against each other's.

For once she could understand me. She could see the pain I was in. She could tell I was hurting. She could see how badly I missed my best friend and right now the only best friend I needed was Mum.

But she wasn't here and she would never be here again. Mum couldn't help this time. She couldn't help with Ezra so she wouldn't be able to help me when it comes to James.