Scandalous Love

38. | James

I sat on the other side of the gates on the night of the party. I had no idea what the party was for but I could hear the music and see the lights shining all the way from the flats. 

I'd been sitting here each and every night, knowing of the risks but I doubt I was going to get caught now. 

I play around with the grass beneath my feet and watch the people as they lined up outside, waiting to be let in with their invitations in hand. Things on that side of town were so formal, a lot different from the way things were done over here. 

I hadn't seen anyone familiar in the past hour I'd been sat here. Part of me was hoping I would see Riley but I didn't. 

Until now... 

The sound of her footsteps fills my ears and when I look up, I find her approaching the gardens from where she had left the building. 

She was wearing a pretty pink dress with a slit down the side of her left leg. Her hair was in its usual up-do when she had a celebration of some sort but she looked cute. 

She looks up towards the hill as she was walking and I offer her a smile but it was one she didn't return. Instead, she simply just looked down and crossed her arms tightly over her chest. 

"You look beautiful," I whisper but considering we were alone and no one else was around, it meant I was loud enough for her to hear me. She walks towards me and then sits herself down on the opposite side of the fence. 

She looked the same way she did two weeks ago. I thought she needed the time to process things but she only seemed to have gotten worse. There were tear stains under her eyes and the bags that mirrored her eyelids showed she hadn't slept properly in days. 

I chew my lip as I take note of her appearance before I sigh, letting it out. 

I love her. Of course I'm worried about her.

"Are you okay?" I ask, but as soon as the three words leave my lips, the quicker I regret it. 

She glances up at me and her eyes narrow as if to ask if I was being serious. She shakes her head and clears her throat but I could see the lump which hung inside of her. "No." She chokes on that one word alone and her hand instantly meets her eyes so she could dab at it and fight the tears away. "But I will be." 

"Riley, you know I'm here, right?" I say to her. 

She looks straight at me, looking me directly in the eye before she frowns and shakes her head. "Really, James? You went ahead and invaded my privacy without my permission. You don't have any respect for me at all." 

"I know. I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry," I whisper but she shakes her head, scoffing slightly. 

"Sorry doesn't cut it. How am I meant to trust you if you've proven you don't trust me?" 

"I do trust you," I tell her. 

"Then why did you do it?" 

"Because I needed to know..."

 I needed to know what had hurt her. I wanted to know everything about her. I want to be her future and I want her in my future but to do that, we need to know each other's pasts. 

Her eyes remain glued on me as she contemplates everything, waiting for me to develop my answer. I just didn't know how. I couldn't back myself up because there was no excuse for my actions and I knew that more than anyone. 

"What?" she whispers, shrugging her shoulders. "You needed to know what, James? What you were getting yourself into by being with me? What sort of damaged I'd been put through? Why I'm so delicate and vulnerable these days? If you don't want me then say it. Put yourself out of the misery and tell me."