Misguided Ghosts

Chapter Twenty-Two

Twenty-Two – Tay

I’d never been much of a runner, but I was pleased that I could maintain a fast, steady speed over what seemed like a long distance. Adrenaline was rushing through my veins and my heartbeat roared in my ears, drowning out the sound of my sobs.

When I reached the back car park of the center, I collapsed against the wall, clapping a hand over my mouth and sinking to the floor. My chest felt like there was a huge weight on it and it was slowly crushing me to death and every part of me shook. How could Caleb do that? Sweet, kind, caring Caleb? How could he do that to me, after I’d explained to him how easily I felt I could break?

Arms wrapped themselves around me and I flinched, trying to worm out of the embrace.

“Tay, stop,” Jared said firmly. “It’s just me. Caleb’s gone. Run away. You’re fine.”

I let him pick me up, along with all my stuff. As he carried me, I cried unashamedly, sobs ripping their way through me. Jared softly shushed me, rubbing soothing circles on my back. I felt so weak, running away and crying while my best friend and presumably my boyfriend fought my battles for me. Jared thought I hadn’t lost my edge, and that was true. I’d just lost all will to fight. Somehow, after kneeing him in the balls and seeing him in pain, I regretted it. I regretted hurting him, and seeing that hurt in his eyes had stopped me from punching him in the face. For one second, he had looked like Ed whenever he was hurt, his eyes filled with pain, his mouth slightly open and his face empty of expression.  

“Tay,”

Ed’s soft voice brought me back to myself as Jared set me down and I fell against him, my arms resting on his chest and my head resting on his shoulder. Ed wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back soothingly, just as Jared had. I knew that they were the two boys in my life that I could count on.

I hadn’t even noticed that I’d been loaded into the car until Jared began to get further and further away. I stared blankly out the window, watching the streetlights and the houses flash past, too numb to think or speak. I felt hollow, weak. More than that. I felt used. I felt like all Caleb had wanted from me was to make out with me. Or more than just making out with me. A slight shudder rippled through me and I sucked in a deep breath to prevent myself from crying. He had never wanted my friendship, or to hang out with me. As my father would have said, all he wanted to do was get in my pants.

Ed pulled the car into the driveway and turned off the engine. He got out and came around to my side of the car, after retrieving my kit from the boot, opening the door. I stood up and he wrapped his arm protectively around my shoulders. I flinched and felt panic grip my chest in an iron grip.

No, I told myself. This is not Caleb stood next to you. This is Ed. He will never hurt me.

He guided me to the front door and I slowly unlocked it. Every movement I made felt painfully slow and lethargic.

“Go wash,” Ed told me. “Then get into bed. I’ll be up soon.”

I climbed up the stairs sluggishly and dragged my feet along the landing to the bathroom. After dropping my clothes on the floor, I got into the shower, not even wincing at the heat of the water. It was hot, almost too hot, but after everything that had happened, I didn’t notice the pinkness of my skin. I stood under the water, not moving. I’d showered at the pool, but I still felt dirty, and I hated it. I grabbed the shower sponge and began to scrub at my skin harshly, creating red blotches. I wanted to rid myself of everything that had happened.

Ed found me sitting in the shower cubicle, staring blankly at the tiles while scalding hot water cascaded down on me. He yanked open the cubicle door, swearing loudly as the water crashed down on him and shut off the water. I felt his hands gripping my bare shoulders and shaking me roughly, but I couldn’t hear him. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the tiled floor, and I couldn’t move. I felt a towel being wrapped around me and I was lifted from the floor.